Well, I took JustMe's advice tonight and do feel a bit more in command.

The other night someone left a message for the XW on the machine. I called her and told her that there was a message, that the code has not changed and she could pick up the message when she gets the chance. She called tonight and could not remember the code, although it has not changed in over 14 years!

She proceeds to tell me about her trip with a friend this weekend where they went to a wedding for a Fraternity Brother and a friend of ours. She was very nervous going she says because of everything and they ended up leaving early. She told me who they saw, etc. She then told me somethings that shocked me. She didn't realize the issues surrounding all of the people that we knew from college. She didn't realize how, now 10 years later, they are still in college in a way. And the realizations kept coming.

Not sure why and can't believe that she was that nieve but maybe she is. She tried to get a jab in when she mentioned that they had some travelling soccer players buying them drinks all night. Didn't bother me since I know her and know that she would not do anything with them and her friend is married. Nice try though.

Anyway, ended up telling her that I needed to go and would email the number and name as she asked. She asked me then how my family was. Told her fine.....mentioned that I have been busy with meetings, and had to go. Told her I would talk to her at some point.

I realy have been doing some thinking and I am not sure where she fits into my life.....if she fits into my life anymore. I just can't do it anymore. She is in or she is out. That is it. I can't have this contact me when she wants or whatever. In or out. I am just not sure if that is really what I want or if it is what I need to do.

Ughhhh.....on top of this I am looking to buy a house which is ALWAYS STRESSFUL!

CIAZ
M 7/97
S 5/05
D 8/06
Both 33 years old
No kids