GD's Dilemma, 4

[Gone Dancin']

Lol -- love the visual, H!

Oh, and I know the jazz hands -- it's Sunny who asked about them a few weeks ago.

GD

[Gone Dancin']

Nomo,

You always make me back up what I say. Can't you just accept it???

But it's so much more fun to make you work for your guru status!

Seriously though, I wish I could! I'm just so analytical, brotha -- it's an inherent need for me to have the data to back up the hypothesis! Sound reasoning must accompany an idea for me, I guess. It's easy to be motivated with optimism and/or empty flattery, but I need some perspective with mine! I'll try to accept it on blind faith from now on though, despite how difficult it will be...

You going to try to work a phone into it? I really like the phone thing, if I do say so myself.

Yeah, that's the plan. I'm going to try to find a tiny cellphone keychain or charm -- very good idea, I think! Thanks!
(Did you give W the cheerleader trinket? Haven't caught up on your thread yet)

Thanks for the clarification, Nomo. I really do appreciate it! Oh, and I'll check my mail here shortly and get back to you.

GD

[Nomopo]

I'll try to accept it on blind faith from now on though, despite how difficult it will be...

I was kidding.

Did you give W the cheerleader trinket? Haven't caught up on your thread yet

I am like ten days behind on journaling, so you didn't miss it. Yes, it went well, but was diminished somewhat by the bad funk I was in on Sunday (S7's Bday party), which is the day she found it. I left it for her Fri night to find on the house switch. Oh well. It was good, but could've been better.

Later,
Nomo

[Gone Dancin']

Nomo,

I was kidding.

I know -- me too. You must've missed the wink I left after the frown.


Enjoy the kids tonight -- I'll talk with you later!

GD

[christarn]

GD...I agree with all the others...your kids were safe, you were having fun and you attempted to make right the W. You validated her feelings..good job! Glad you a blast on your rafting trip sounds like fun...hope you had fun dancing the night away!! ;)Christa

[Gone Dancin']

Thanks christa!

I was happy with the way I DBed during the conversation too, given that I haven't really had the opportunity to validate and empathize with her since I found this site. It was hard to keep repeating myself (saying I was sorry over and over) since she wouldn't really let it go, but I managed to hold up.

Some more journaling,

I went to get a hair cut around 4:00 today, and when I got out I saw that W had called and left a message. She said that she would call today to discuss the schedule with the kids this week, so I was anticipating the call. The message was pleasant, and she just said to call her when I had a chance, thanks, and bye. I waited an hour, then called her back. She was nice, and all of the anger and irritation was gone. She asked if I had gotten a text about the cellphone bill no going through. I said yes, knowing what was coming next. She said that she couldn't pay it until Friday (which now seems strange to me because she gets paid -- or used to get paid -- on Wednesdays) and asked if I would pay it. I paused for a second, mainly to see if she would say anything else, and as I started to say yes she added (in an okay tone) "unless you want to take a chance and wait until Friday (it is due Wednesday)." I said "No, it's okay. I'll go ahead and pay it." We then had some small talk revolving around automatic withdrawals and how they can be a pain sometimes. The conversation then went to the schedule with the kids, and she said she had to work at 3:00 a.m. Wednesday and Thursday. We decided that I would get the kids around their bedtime on Tuesday night so she could spend as much time as possible with them, and then she would pick them up at daycare after work on Friday since I'm going to be in Seattle from Fri morning until Monday night doing the Lindy Hop Exchange. I asked her if she wanted me to come to her place (and OM's) to pick them up Tuesday night so she wouldn't have to drive so much that day. She deferred to me, but added that anything that helps her to save on gas is appreciated. Of course, I said I would do it. We decided on a time, she thanked me, and we said goodbye.

No talk about the raft trip weekend -- no apologies from either of us. It was like it didn't even happen. I'm sure she was nicer mostly because of the need for me to pay the cellphone bill, but I think it was easier for her to do because of the way I handled myself on the phone with her this last weekend. Made me all the happier that I stuck with the DB plan of validating and empathizing with her feelings.

I kind of feel like a doormat now and then with things like today, but I know that it is what I need to do right now. Once the D goes through, I will call for us to severe all joint accounts and bills, and will quit providing any financial help. I will still be there for her in other ways, but I will slowly be distancing myself more and more as is appropriate.

GD

P.S. I'll be trying to catch up with everyone's sitches in the next few days before I leave for Seattle, at which point I'll get behind again. Then of course, I'll catch up and fall back behind because of Orlando. After that, hopefully I'll be back on the consistency.

[dlt1]

Hey GD, well done!

[ItsKat]

Hey, GD.

Like others said, I think you handled the raft trip conversation really well and I agree that the fact that you handled that so well is why it was easier for her to relate to you yesterday. It is great when we can see how we are building on things.

Check ya later!

[chicki]

GD,

I think the part on which she was crying over the phone (IMO) she is starting to see your GAL & it prolly hurts a little to see your detaching. Thats the way I would feel anyhow if it were my H.

Its good to see how well your doing. I agree w/ others I dont think I would of handled your convo w/ her any better! Your doing awesome!!

Chicki

[christarn]

GD...It took 4 mos of absolute silence between me and the H...then we slowly started to talk...(and just for the record I had no clue he was seeing someobody) my sister saw him one night at the local pub where we used to hang out...she told me how great he was doing and he had bought a harley...yada yada yada...this was the start of my turn around....I thought to myself ok ya dumbars...what is going to be...not that this was totally it but it was the start of things....It just kick started emotions in me that I hadn't felt in so long. I new then, what I had done, and what needed to be done. Yes we had had some really crappy times, but behind all of those crappy times where a ton more good times. I started to focus on the good times...So I am just curious if that is what your W is doing, if that is what might be behind some of those tears. I know I am not an expert...just someone who has been in her shoes...and when I walked away I thought there wasn't any hope...little did I know...there is always hope thanks again for listening!! hugs to you!!