The Plank is out of my eyes, but too late for WAW?

[Heimlich]

Just a quick journal entry.

W and girls have been in Louisiana since last Sat, returning Wed night, so all has been quiet on the R front. Have only spoken to W briefly 4 or 5 times during that time.

I've spent most of that time trying, semi-successfully, to catch up on a variety of work items as well as a large freelance edit job I picked up.

A little bummed today. It's our 12th wedding anniversary. 12 years ago, we were leaving our reception to go to the Lafitte Guest House on Bourbon Street for a few nights before our honeymoon in Belize. I'm just remembering how happy and in love we were and, well, I just don't have the words to describe how it feels now. Disillusioned. Melancholy. Disappointed, both with her and me.

Man, how the hell did we get here? How do you let yourself forget to treat the most important person in your life like the most important person in your life?

Starting to get a little tense for Wed. Things were easy between us when she left, not sure how they're going to be when she returns. At any rate, looking forward to seeing my girls. They occassionally bug the hell out of me (and I really do feel like I missed out on a lot of very cool boy toys. Barbies and My Little Pony. Pure evil.), but I do enjoy their company.

All in all, I'm feeling OK with where I am and who I am (and who I'm moving toward being). I've rediscovered the confidence that I lost. Didn't have a good week of exercise, but haven't gained any weight. Starting to remember I am pretty damn good at my job. I'm reasonably intelligent. Kind. Try to be understanding. A bit shy. Semi-funny. Able to hold up my end of a conversation and keep it interesting. Just miss her a lot. In the past, I've always looked forward to seeing her again, even if we had just been apart for a day. I still do, but, as you all know, it's not quite the same, is it?

Did any of those positive things the week before she left mean anything? Are we still on the fast track to D. Am I going to have to start eating lots of peanut butter sandwiches again and move into an apartment? I know I'm going to do everything I can to show her she's making a huge mistake if things go that way. On the flip side, I know that I'm making my way toward being able to have a really strong R in the future, with my W or someon else. In a weird way, what she did was a good thing (though I could have done without the jumpstart of an actual A). It did get me out of my rut. Would probably still be drifting otherwise.

Anyway, need to put in some edits and get some sleep. Reading "Blue Ocean Strategy" for an internal marketing iniative at work. That oughta do it.

BD

PS. Miller is neither "beer" nor "champaigne". I don't know if I can even talk to you any more. Damn.