Just checking in on your sitch. Ummmmm, oh yeah....IT SUCKS!
I have to catch but just say two things. Yes, you are one of the men I think of, as I posted on FIB's thread, which I thinked I locked, but on a positive note!
Second, you are brilliant to keep ALL the legal dirty "unpleasant reality" the job for the lawyers. It IS what you pay us for (actually not me, I won't ever do a divorce again and there is no such thing as an "amiable one"--what would that look like anyhow? I guess if both partners awoke one day to realize they each had no sex drive, or were both gay....hmmmm, gee, that IS an important question....)
Let her and the L's do their stuff and btw, how'd the custody go 40% your way? If it's a legitmate schedule diff, fine. But isn't she a nurse with weird hours/ and is she the one who is "in love" with the ER doctor?
In law school I had a really smart RN married to a slightly older orthopedic surgeon. She had some bucks and dressed well, and was really funny. When she M the good doctor, she gave up on having kids since he had been zapped. She helped me shop for lawyer clothes when i graduated and I mentioned something about my own h going to med school. She basically warned me big time, with NO NO NO, etc....and told me that she had Not been there with her h, since she was the 2nd wife and missed all the "fun stuff, like med school and internship, etc." Since she was my friend in all other ways, I just filed that fact away in my mind. Later she said, if she had known what M to him was really going to be like, and I think the unfairness of it all, she would Not have married him AND that she had a new found respect for his ex. She also said SHE made sure the alimony checks got sent on time....weird, huh?
Your wife's concerns about money are telling. She thought the ER doc had SO MUCH money, what's a few child support payments? Hmmmmmm, too bad.
Glad you don't mind the CS checks and even though we all know it also "benefits" the WAS the thing is we get trivial complaining too much. I mean, if they're in a 3 BR house it does cost more to light it up and heat it, so yeah, I guess the ex also "benefits" but there isn't much choice. Besides, hate to go all femi-nazi on you, but did you know that 3/4 of men don't pay the amount they're ordered to pay?
Nonetheless, you raise a very intriguing point. You ARE paying b/c you see your kids less....that does indeed suck. Why the 60/40? Geez, if I ever felt like going back to divorce law, oooooh, groooossss, I don't think I can....BUT IF I DID, I'd like to represent a few guys with MLC and or cheating wives just to get to talk without them interupting. Gotta be worth something. OH let me toot my horn, b/c I did meet one couple who asked me to do their Div together b/c they were just sooooo amiable. That means the man was crushed but honorable and she wanted out, fyi. SO, I get to talk to them separately and I get to talk to her a whole hour.....last I heard they weren't getting a divorce and the soldier ran into my office on his way to Iraq and thanked me for saving his M and said, "I don't know what you said but she says she'll go to counselling and she loves me again..." Since I know that's a rare event, I'll just savor it and not hope for more.....oh btw, I reamed her about what a great guy she was losing and how stupid and obvious she was and sooooo cliched. Then I told her my predictions about her 10 years from now....hmmm, guess something clicked in her hormone raddled brain, plus the fact that in the Army, attractive women get lots of attention so when their men are deployed, they can sometimes forget their values and act like bimbos who never got noticed before.
BACK TO EARTH, how is the A going with the OM as far as you know? Does your wife know now that since the RICH DOCTOR (aren't they ALL rich and fllled with spare time for romance?) isn't all that rich, and or all that free with his time, that all might not be well in paradise?
By keeping the dirty work to the lawyers, you can hold your head high. Who knows? If the road home is paved and smooth, you might get a returning wife. Other than money stuff, has she noticed your GAL and changes? Keep them up. Hold your head high. I hate women who marry docs they didn't put through med school. Boy let me tell you, when the wives sit around talking about how hard internship and residency was....and your wife peeps up about meeting him AT WORK and confirms every doctor's First wife's fears.....she'll be as welcome as a pregnant nun... j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I think we just sorta get things leeched out slowly over time.
You are absolutely right. This occurs slowly and we are OK with it because it does not happen all at once. I know I did what I did because I thought it was best for us(my W and I). I guess in the end it was what was best for her....and when she had nothing more that she could take she went looking elsewhere. I work full-time and am full-time daddy, not a whole lot of time for me. I love my girls and will do anything for them, now I realize that I need to have a little time for me. I am going to hold onto my N.U.T.S. from here on out.
How are things going? I hope your sitch is giving you a little reprieve..
Hey scott, you got that right. I too devoted my time to my son and still would do anything for him but....... WE DO NEED TIME FOR OUR SELVES. also hold on to your nuts I think my W must a have took mine while I was sleeping because I didn't even know they were missing until about a month ago.
husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
That had to be a crazy revelation for you. Did wake up one day and your W had your nuts in a jar on the night stand? Or were you walking down the hall and realized that you were not hanging right. Boy am I glad that you found them. Seriously, I know what you mean. There is a good book that I would recommend that FIB told me about "Hold onto you N.U.T.S." by Wayne Levine, add this to your to read list.
This is the one gift my W has given through all of this mess, Me. I found myself again. Sure I am a bit older, hopefully wiser, I nolonger have the opportunity to turn a fastball around, but, I am taking time out for myself. And you know what I am still a great Daddy and could still be a great husband to my W if she would let me in.
Since she won't share her hopes and dreams with me nolonger and won't be vulnerable with me anylonger, it is her loss(Yes, FIB I to have heard this). Sure I would prefer that my family stay intact and prefer to stay married to my W, but, I know that I will be fine on my own. I can honestly say that I am more then comfortable with me. Not to toot my own horn but I am a great guy and it is my W's loss.
Unfortunately because of my W's decisions my girls are going to have to be raised in a broken home. But, I still have the responsibility of making sure that they feeled loved and are secure. I am and will continue to do just that.
Scott, Don't change. Many women including myself would love to have a man like you. Like Hope's H my H never did much for me. He was a hardworking man and a good provider, but not a caring warm man. You sound like you spoil your wife, she is crazy to give you up! Her loss, and someday someone else's gain. Mark my word someday your wife will realize her loss and it will probably be too late. Don't Change!
Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Scott, I am just out here lurking, thinking that I am getting a preview of what lies ahead for me. Keep up the DBing and you never know what will happen. After all, there is one past, but many possible futures! SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Just checking in on your sitch. Ummmmm, oh yeah....IT SUCKS!
I have to catch but just say two things. Yes, you are one of the men I think of, as I posted on FIB's thread, which I thinked I locked, but on a positive note!
Second, you are brilliant to keep ALL the legal dirty "unpleasant reality" the job for the lawyers. It IS what you pay us for (actually not me, I won't ever do a divorce again and there is no such thing as an "amiable one"--what would that look like anyhow? I guess if both partners awoke one day to realize they each had no sex drive, or were both gay....hmmmm, gee, that IS an important question....)
Let her and the L's do their stuff and btw, how'd the custody go 40% your way? If it's a legitmate schedule diff, fine. But isn't she a nurse with weird hours/ and is she the one who is "in love" with the ER doctor?
In law school I had a really smart RN married to a slightly older orthopedic surgeon. She had some bucks and dressed well, and was really funny. When she M the good doctor, she gave up on having kids since he had been zapped. She helped me shop for lawyer clothes when i graduated and I mentioned something about my own h going to med school. She basically warned me big time, with NO NO NO, etc....and told me that she had Not been there with her h, since she was the 2nd wife and missed all the "fun stuff, like med school and internship, etc." Since she was my friend in all other ways, I just filed that fact away in my mind. Later she said, if she had known what M to him was really going to be like, and I think the unfairness of it all, she would Not have married him AND that she had a new found respect for his ex. She also said SHE made sure the alimony checks got sent on time....weird, huh?
Your wife's concerns about money are telling. She thought the ER doc had SO MUCH money, what's a few child support payments? Hmmmmmm, too bad.
Glad you don't mind the CS checks and even though we all know it also "benefits" the WAS the thing is we get trivial complaining too much. I mean, if they're in a 3 BR house it does cost more to light it up and heat it, so yeah, I guess the ex also "benefits" but there isn't much choice. Besides, hate to go all femi-nazi on you, but did you know that 3/4 of men don't pay the amount they're ordered to pay?
Nonetheless, you raise a very intriguing point. You ARE paying b/c you see your kids less....that does indeed suck. Why the 60/40? Geez, if I ever felt like going back to divorce law, oooooh, groooossss, I don't think I can....BUT IF I DID, I'd like to represent a few guys with MLC and or cheating wives just to get to talk without them interupting. Gotta be worth something. OH let me toot my horn, b/c I did meet one couple who asked me to do their Div together b/c they were just sooooo amiable. That means the man was crushed but honorable and she wanted out, fyi. SO, I get to talk to them separately and I get to talk to her a whole hour.....last I heard they weren't getting a divorce and the soldier ran into my office on his way to Iraq and thanked me for saving his M and said, "I don't know what you said but she says she'll go to counselling and she loves me again..." Since I know that's a rare event, I'll just savor it and not hope for more.....oh btw, I reamed her about what a great guy she was losing and how stupid and obvious she was and sooooo cliched. Then I told her my predictions about her 10 years from now....hmmm, guess something clicked in her hormone raddled brain, plus the fact that in the Army, attractive women get lots of attention so when their men are deployed, they can sometimes forget their values and act like bimbos who never got noticed before.
BACK TO EARTH, how is the A going with the OM as far as you know? Does your wife know now that since the RICH DOCTOR (aren't they ALL rich and fllled with spare time for romance?) isn't all that rich, and or all that free with his time, that all might not be well in paradise?
By keeping the dirty work to the lawyers, you can hold your head high. Who knows? If the road home is paved and smooth, you might get a returning wife. Other than money stuff, has she noticed your GAL and changes? Keep them up. Hold your head high. I hate women who marry docs they didn't put through med school. Boy let me tell you, when the wives sit around talking about how hard internship and residency was....and your wife peeps up about meeting him AT WORK and confirms every doctor's First wife's fears.....she'll be as welcome as a pregnant nun... j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I was glad to see that you are still keeping tabs on me.... I did go over to your thread and was going to give you my .02$, then I remembered your thread was in piecing and I did not want to muck the waters. I have no idea what reconciling is like.....
Thanks for all the kind words....
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Second, you are brilliant to keep ALL the legal dirty "unpleasant reality" the job for the lawyers.
This is a learning experience for me. I at times find it funny seeing how the two L's are handling the two sides of this D. My W and her L are trying to push this through as soon as possible, while my L and I are trying to string it along without making it look like we are stringing it along. I also do not mind talking D with my W, but, when I want to end the convo I just tell her it is in the L's hands and it all will be worked out.
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how'd the custody go 40% your way? If it's a legitmate schedule diff, fine. But isn't she a nurse with weird hours/ and is she the one who is "in love" with the ER doctor?
My W has the ability to work three 12hr shifts a week while I have our girls. I on the other hand work Monday threw Friday, some weekends and travel on occasion. Throw in the fact that she has basically been a SAHM(primary care giver). I have no chance of getting my girls the majority of the time. I did get her to agree to joint custody with a parenting plan. I will see my girls Tuesday evenings, and then have them Thursday evening threw early Saturday Morning, along with every other weekend. Since I work for a bank I get a lot of minor holidays off, so I will be getting my girls those days also. My L actually told me this was extremely fair because if we fought for more I could end up with less time then this.
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Your wife's concerns about money are telling. She thought the ER doc had SO MUCH money, what's a few child support payments? Hmmmmmm, too bad.
To bad for her is right. I will fight for what I feel is fair and if she does not like that then well....like you said too bad. As for the OM, according to his W he has no money. He has student loans out of the...well you know... and has no savings. Now he is going to be paying CS and Alimony, there is not going to be much left over for taking my W out.
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Geez, if I ever felt like going back to divorce law, oooooh, groooossss, I don't think I can....BUT IF I DID, I'd like to represent a few guys with MLC and or cheating wives just to get to talk without them interupting. Gotta be worth something.
With your first hand knowledge and possibly being a D L for MLC/cheaters you could write a pretty good book that most of us on this site would buy.
Good for you talking sense into that woman. My W is not willing to listen to anyone at this point. She is to wrapped up in the OM to listen to truth.
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BACK TO EARTH, how is the A going with the OM as far as you know?
I honestly have no idea. Based off of her actions I would say that the A is still going on, but again I really do not know. If it is, and I think it is, at least she is no longer rubbing it in my face.
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Does your wife know now that since the RICH DOCTOR (aren't they ALL rich and fllled with spare time for romance?) isn't all that rich, and or all that free with his time, that all might not be well in paradise?
Who knows....She thinks he is such a great guy. Do great guys abandon their W and kids? Do great guys flirt with married woman and then have A's with them? Not really a great guy is he.
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Other than money stuff, has she noticed your GAL and changes? Keep them up.
Actually, she has noticed. She told me she sees it as me moving on and enjoying life on my own. She also said that she could tell that I am enjoying myself now since I do not have to deal with her garbage anymore. I answered her with: I would prefer enjoying these things with you, since you do not want to be apart of me I am now doing all the things that I enjoy.
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I hate women who marry docs they didn't put through med school. Boy let me tell you, when the wives sit around talking about how hard internship and residency was....and your wife peeps up about meeting him AT WORK and confirms every doctor's First wife's fears.....she'll be as welcome as a pregnant nun...
Pregnant nun...Hehe.... I can understand your loathing of a woman like my W. A pretty nurse willing to destroy her family so that she can try and live out some fantasy of hers with a married Doc. I can easily see how this would not go over well with the other W's.
Is she going to have any friends? She has ran away from most of her current friends because she doesn't want to hear that she is wrong and her possible new circle of friends are going to dislike her for being a home wrecker...ouch...
I know that I will have my girls 40% of the time, but, I hate the thought of coming home to an empty house. I built this house for my family and now I will be living in it alone most of the time. I will probably stay in the house for a year or two but it might be hard on me - we will see.
Scott....we sound alike. My comment was that I just can't conceive of not being around to pour milk on S6's Cinnamon French Toast cereal....or D4 calling for me to help her in the BR...or those goodnight kisses from both of them. I've said the same thing...I planted my W's favorite trees on the property..built the house for US...to make a family......
Need vs. preference. That stuff is the stuff we say immediately post-bomb. Their thinking is NOT in the same place ours is, so, we cause anxiety and pain by focusing on it. You PREFER to be with your W (and so do I), but, Scott, you WILL find life again. It will be different and perhaps not the way we had planned and perhsps even cause twinges of pain at times. We....hey....we have no control over how they are driving this. We need to stop needing them.
I empathize with you.
Frank
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
