I thought I would update my situation since I have not written much in over two months.
The last time I posted, I talked about how my wife wanted a new car. It had upset me initially, but I thought about it and the comment by “4” that a car is cheaper than a divorce stuck. My wife also said she really wanted it and was emotionally invested in it. I have not read the “Languages of Love” book but I understand some types of people feel loved when they receive gifts. I think my wife falls into this category. So I bought her the new car.
As I said several times in my diary here, my wife has substance abuse problems, alcohol and prescription meds. The alcohol problem seems to be in remission, but the prescription meds remain. On the positive side she seems to be getting more involved with life.
I took my wife and son on a nice vacation to Maui for 8 days and that seemed to help our relationship as well. She said it was our best vacation since we went to Australia (our honeymoon). My wife seems to be very at ease again in our relationship. She tells me she loves me every day, calls me sweetie, etc.. She is not a good actor so I can only assume she is happy again.
Then we get to me, I have seen a psychologist for 6 months now. I started seeing her during our separation and have kept going. It has gotten to the point now where I do not feel that I am getting anything out of the visits. The last two appointments I had, I left feeling worse about myself. So I think I am going to discontinue it. Maybe that is why I am back here. I got more useful advice here and positive reinforcement here and just the act of journaling my situation helped.
So here is what is bothering me, first, if you read my sitch you will see I let my wife vent. I let her say anything with little or no response. I listened to many hateful tirades during our separation. And she has never apologized. That is what is bothering me the most, no apology. I have read here not to expect one, but it still bothers me.
Next, I have feelings of anxiety. I still do not feel at ease. Sometimes for no apparent reason the anxiety seems to wash over me like a wave. I feel that if I forget to pick up my dirty socks, it might freak my wife out and I’d be back looking at a divorce. This may be irrational and all me. I have always been a worrier; if anyone has any recommendations on dealing with anxiety let me know. Please no drug suggestions; I will not use psychotropic meds. Not taking meds is probably the reason the psychologist was no longer working out. I think she had gotten use to medicating her patients and could no longer help someone unwilling to take the drugs. I have the experience of being with someone addicted to prescription meds and will not go down that path.
On the positive side my son is happy, my wife seems to be happy, and I am OK most of the time. So that is where I am at today.
Thanks to everyone here that helped me in the past.
