Nice quote, Nomo. I guess you really wanted me to read that (and with good reason, too: You are a sharp one).
Thank you, as always. Of course I am trying to convince myself.
Old Zen saying: "Do not aim for the target, allow the target to come to you."
Anyway, I gotta make this quick, as I am supposed to be on my way to an outservice but just had to drop in. MIL came by this morning, and had to call me to get in the house as I had hit the snooze button for over an hour. Rolled out of bed, jumped into a t-shirt and my now drastically oversized work pants (Remember, I've lost nearly 8 inches off of my waist in the last 3-4 months), ran down stairs to let her in, went back up to get ready for work, snuck into S's room (he was kind of awake), told him I loved him, thanked him for the weekend, told him I would see him again as soon as I could and to be a good boy for MIL (He always is). Headed downstairs with the full intention of getting clear of MIL as quickly as possible. She had other plans. Started off by saying that "everyone" had agreed to take up a collection to buy me some new clothes because of all the weight I had lost, then threw in a line about only addressing W as "Betty Blubberbutt". I played as cool as I could, which was pretty cool, but she would not be deterred. Told me that her entire family was just disgusted with W, even W's Father and Step-Mother (The father that told me "she's a grown woman, she can make her own decisions", and the Step-mother that was supposed to help her get a $70,000 unsecured loan from the bank she works for) had a 2-hour+ screaming match with W recently. The family has already come up with a nickname for OM, "Roger Rabbit" which is a clever play on his real name. MIL does not realize this, and I to stop myself from telling her, but W has fallen into the classic trap of trying to be with someone who is my exact opposite (Her last OM, who knows her current OM, has publicly refered to him has "The Village Idiot", a name which truly fits his mental abilities.) Apparently, MIL told W (in regards to the trip planned for last week) that if she did go out of town, she should not come back (exact echo of my sentiments to W last weekend). W's brother's wife, a person that I have had some tensionwith over the years, called W some very unfriendly names and now refuses to communicate with her on any level. My SIL (mentioned in previous posts), is apparently preganant (they have been trying for more than a year). I plan on calling her this afternoon to congratulate her and offer any assistance that I can.
Fun morning, and there is much I have left out, but the fact remains: I flatly refuse to care.
Song just heard on the radio: Tracy Chapman's "Give me the reason". That just may have to become my theme song, if I decide to start having a theme song.
Thank you, as always. Of course I am trying to convince myself.
You're welcome, but . . .
Originally Posted By: walkingcliche
the fact remains: I flatly refuse to care.
Originally Posted By: walkingcliche
Old Zen saying: "Do not aim for the target, allow the target to come to you."
I love this!!! You should follow it. Quit trying to force your wife's hand (5 the hard way, I guess). Just focus on you and S and see if she comes around. I think she will, after a long time. Might be worth it.
Sounds like your MIL was trying to be nice and suportive.
Later, Nomo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
Kept my head pretty well, but we were both pretty emotional, IMO. It was a little awkward, I guess, but I got to tell her what I wanted to say without letting my sitch screw things up. Told her that I was really happy for her, told her that I, of course, had my fingers crossed for her when she asked me to (she lost one late last year and has had numerous problems). I managed to ask her to let me know if she could think of anything I could do for her, her hubby (I consider him a friend, no idea what he thinks of me anymore) or the baby. She returned the sentiment, which I, kindly, deflected with a simple "Nah, I'm fine. I would just really appreciate the opportunity to help if I can.". We ended the call with some additional congratulations and best wishes.
Went pretty well, all told. So, why am I sitting here crying like a baby for the first time in many weeks?
Seriously, I'm asking, 'cause I don't really know.
Movie review for the The Simpson's Movie, from the viewpoint of one of the "walking wounded":
Last monday, during S's illness episode, an ad for the movie came on, and W looked at me surreptisously (sp?). This led my paranoia/gut instinct to believe she intended to see the film with OM, constituting a greater betrayal than the most depraved sexual act imaginable (I've long been a simpson's junkie, for which she has always looked down her nose at me). Well, I just saw it, pretty good, but the only thing that could be called a love interest shares my first name.
As Nelson would say: Ha-Ha.
Anywho, it must have worked, 'cause I sailed throught the good night call. W sounded pretty worked up/angry, though I'm not sure it was with me. S sounded good, think he is getting over the flu (or whatever it was), sounded pretty excited to talk to me. I hope things aren't getting too bad at MIL's.
I was full of laughter, especially after we were accidentally disconnected (S pressed the wrong button, he is 3 you know). Sounded, and actually felt, real breezy/content, good spirits. Used a new cut-down version of my usual request for her to give him a hug and a kiss for me and tell him I love him, wished her/them a good night, and wrapped up.
I missed the initial call, as I was driving home from the movie with the music up. She left a voice mail, and that is where she sounded really sharp/on the warpath. I called back within 10 minutes, and by the time we signed off she sounded more mystified than anything.
My guess: She was expecting some real harshness from me, and is probably pretty well surrounded by it at all times now (family, "friends", mayhap even OM, though the last is pretty unlikely). I've resisted the urge to do any snooping today, but it is really hard. The biggest temptation is to take a look at her bank account, but I'm just not sure I could take a charge a Frederick's or something. I'm just gonna close the day on a good note and let it all go for tonight.
P.S. Saw a preview before the movie, they are making Dark Knight, a new Batman film with Christian Bale, a sequel to Batman Begins. Doesn't come out until next year, but I'll tell you, I am so there.
P.P.S. I don't seem kind of, you know, all-over-the-board tonight or anything, do I?
That's sweet news on the Dark Knight. Showing my age and inner nerd, but there was a Batman graphic novel, Dark Knight or the Dark Knight Returns, can't remember which. Anyway, toward the end, Batman (with a suit containing just a leeetle bit of kryptonite) beat the ever-loving crap out of Superman. As Superman always bugged me for some reason, I liked it quite a bit.
Keep taking care of yourself.
BD
My latest
Me: 36 W: 35 2 D: 9 and 5 T: 16 years M: 12 10/4/06: Bomb 10/5/06: Ended A 4/22/07: ILYBNILWY
Actually, I think I was one of the first nerds on the planet, and in a distant land too. Recent proof? Went to see Transformers with my D14 and S20, and loved it, to the point that we were discussing the ins and outs of their choosing a city to do battle, etc.! And I really enjoyed Batman Begins, so I am thrilled they are making a sequel. I am a Sci-Fi fan, but not to the point of being a Trekkie (or do they call them Trekkers, or something?).
Oh, and you were so splashed all over the post ... kidding! You sound like you're doing just fine. Your little ones sound so cute! Just keep giving your W space to work out what she thinks needs working out. In the meantime, focus on you and the kids, which includes the ever popular GAL.
Take care!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Sos much for taking the week off: Left my cell at home this morning, had to call W's work phone for the # to MIL's (lost without my phone, as so many of us are now), as the only number I had handy was on one of her business cards I found in my wallet. She called the shop around 11, saying she had just gotten to work because she was spending some time with S (She has a flexible schedule). Got the number, called MIL's, found out S is still pretty sick. Offered to bring some stuff for him, including a humidifier from the house, if it was okay with her. She said OK, I said I would check with W to make sure it was all right. Went home for lunch, got my phone, few minutes later W calls. I did not answer, she left VM saying she had gotten in touch with the IRS (Finally!) about our outstanding tax bill (of which I owe roughly 20%, at most). Gave it a few minutes, called her back, thanked her regarding the tax thing, brought up the visit with S based on the assumption that she would be working pretty late due to her arrival time. She said no problem, wished her a great afternoon, ended call. Talked to MIL around 4, got a list of things S needed, offered to bring dinner. All good. Got home, showered, shaved, printed some pictures of S from the weekend, headed to the store, filled the list, got some take-out, got to MIL's about a half hour after originally planned (though I called to keep her updated), but still more than an hour bfore W could be reasonably expected. Start bringing stuff in, MIL mentions that S is upstairs. With W. Long story short (Too Late!), I hung out for about 10-15 minutes. Got to see S, poor guy was really not feeling well. I brought all kinds of stuff to cheer him up, including a Spongebob balloon, nothing seemed to work until we put in one of his favorite movie that I had brought. That turned the trick, and I'm glad of it. MIL and SFIL kept asking me to stay for dinner, I begged off on the grounds that I had people waiting for me. Finally W got into the action and told me it was okay for me to stay and eat (like I was looking for her permision). I again said no, had people waiting, and finally allowed that my brother was in town (All true, but he wouldn't have reallycared if I hadn't made it out to see him, I just really had no desire to be there). Kept everything light, SFIL followed me out to the truck and wouldn't let me leave (friendly, though, lest you get the wrong impression). Turns out one of the people he works with was on my security team in my former role as a facility manager and remembers me quite well. As I remember it, she was kind of cute. Maybe I should get SFIL to put us back in touch? Good night call went smooth, W called right back and asked if the humidifier I had brought was "new" and asked how to use it. As I recall, she actually bought it, and primarily because it would be easier to use. I calmly instructed her on it's use and signed off.
Observations: W looks like total hell. Even more weight gained, obvious depression, bitterness, etc... Mental confusion and paranoia prevalent in every contact with her today. Judging by the amount of stess she has been under for the last 2+ years, I would guess her hippocampus strongly resembles a block of swiss cheese at this point. In short, she is miserable, confused, and extremely dangerous.
I did go to see my bro, had a pretty good time. Getting in a little late, but I'll manage.
Other odds and ends: -My partner at work has been sidelined on doctors orders, probably going to end up in heart surgery. This is kind of killing me, cause the guy has been a real rock for me during this crisis. But, if anyone can make it, it would be him (cranky old goat). -MIL's mother just had a 5 hour surgery on her back. Very religious woman, I got her a card with a very religious slant (NOT my usual style). I'm sure W sees it as trying too hard, but she can go to hell. I'm finally learning to speak to those I care about in their language, not mine. -During the goodnight call, I told W about a jazz concert a local radio station is hosting on Friday. I have previously taken S to 2 of these, and he loves it. Coincedentally, every time I have taken him, she has been out of town with OM. I fear that my mentioning it to her was taken as a suggestion that we should all go together. Little does she know that this time, I will be the one out of town. Now, if I can just keep myself from going to see OM (Kidding!). -Superman's a pansy, or did I already mention that?
good deal on handling the s. sounds like a great kid. sorry that he is sick, never fun with the little ones.
don't worry so much for turning down dinner, it has positives if you stay and i think it has them if you don't, especially if IL's are asking. they know how much w is hurt, and if you can't stay and especially if they knew it was your brother, someone that would understand, then they know your hurt too. doesn't make it so easy to sit and say w is an angel, now does it. although i'm sure i would have stayed, but mil's cooking just rocks.
glad your getting out, you need it. pulling for the work partner, the ol goat types can always handle the rough stuff, that's why they are the ol guard.
Heck, he left some of his best parts in Southeast Asia thirty-something years ago, so a little heart flutter shouldn't slow him down too much. Right?
Anyway, MIL was beating the drum again this morning during the 10am call. Said W told her she "may have made the wrong decision", I said, as kindly as I could, tough.
No kidding, folks. The "convincing myself" routine could not be going better. I'm taking a long hard look at who I have become, what I think the chances are that W could/would do the kind of things necessary to do her part in the kind of marriage/life that I deserve, and the kind of options that just keep getting thrown at me. Things do not look good for her, in other words.
Yeah, I hope she tries to get back with me: My Ego could use the stroke. But, and this is a big but, I admit that I have grave reservations about my ability to "put this episode behind us".
My fault, and I'm okay with that. I've got a life to live, a son to raise, and no time for the kind of nonsense that a continuing R with W would bring.
Sound good? I only ask 'cause I'm still working on it.
