Shocked H in NJ looking for DB help

[Willing NJ H]

W and I had a talk today, good outcome for now. We decided to remain living together AS FRIENDS (better than nothing). She said that she wanted to recover the "excellant friendhsip" we had, and stated that it's jurting her deeply that she hurt me. She said that she wants nothing to do with our R, but wants to be able to be comfortable and be friends with me. She agreed to see a marriage counselow with me soon, because she liked that I told her (last night) that it would help us both be more understanding and accepting if we both try and things still don't work. I asked her if she wanted any ground rules to help prevent any further discomfort. She said that if we have a detailed conversation and she asks me to stop or zip it, she'd like me to stop talking because I used to over explain everything and had far too much to say about very simple topics. She agreed to explain her side when this happens, so we can both understand and get past the issue. She also told me that she would terminate all activity outside of us as far as EA and any similar situations. We both agreed that we will probably have to live together for financial reasons for a bit (no matter what we decide), and that we won't be able to develop a healthy friendship if one of us brings an OP into the situation.

One of the things that got me the most, is that she keeps thinking that I want to chase her. I told her that right now, I just want to heal myself and get both of us through this as friends because we will always have to raise our D. I told her that I want to take care of me, and that through counseling "I hope for us to learn to understand one another. I explained that I don't care what the outcome of our relationship is, as much as I would like us to truly know the who the other person is without the distorted images we've created over the years. I noted that I am simply keeping an open mind that we could learn that we are better as friends or that anything else could be possible. I said that i'm not leaning toward anything outcome, other than living past this without hurt feeling or resentment, whether we're together or not.

There was a bit more minor stuff to the convo, but in all it went great. She said that she felt much better. She has been worrying that she was hurting me, and couldn't get past it. She was keeping me at a distance, and refused to let my changes do any good. I can handle being friends for now, it gives me time. Time will help me show her the new me, and now I need to start searching hard for a therapist.

I was on here dbing all last night and this morning, and it helped me tremendously. After talking to her, and combining the two, I feel pretty good right now (talk about a roller coaster!) I went from tremendous pain and confusion (due to learning about W's EA), to being happier than i've been in weeks. I a going to try to keep it as positive as it is right now, and use this to help me build my confidence and to reinforce my efforts with DBing.