FLTC Sorry about how you felt. Honestly instead of giving you false hope was attempting to nudge you in the direction in becoming you own support system.
Where you are at it is easy to look at the dark side of everything. Conversations with other OIF vets and our Vietnam bros confirm this. It is something you really need to guard against. When the hopeless thoughts come switch channels. In your position you have enough crap to deal with.
When you get back you will not consider your accomplishments in Iraq as big as deal with others. Honestly things that were a big deal before and a big deal to others will not be a fly on an elephants butt for you. You will be able to concentrate on the real issues and cut through the BS to a degree never dreamed of.
You are (so am I) are your worst critic maybe with the exception of your W and my XW. Well screw that cause you have worked hard and done what you thought best for your family and country without running around chasing other females. Could you be better. Probably but who could not be better?
We wish to keep your spirits up. I avoided giving you specific advice on the wife since my situtation crashed and burned.
I honestly split my past. Pre and post deployment and how I think. Since you are working on yourself like crazy I believe this experience will cause you to do the same. You may be suprised on the changes 16 months from now. I believe it will be for the better reguardless of how your domestic life turns out.
What is the problem I believe is everyone has a vision of the future. When a M goes sour that vision is damaged or destroyed in my case and options were severly limited if I wished any contact with my D12. To reestablish a vision where you want to be and to create the interm plan with goals to get there is difficult at best. Many false starts and multiple pathways where what I want to do, the things I consider important, and the situations I tolorate have changed thus one has to try out different routes.
What used to give me self esteem now I could care less about. What makes me happy now is different than before. What I consider important is radically changed. I consider it for the better.
The worst has not happened. Your W had the opportunity to D prior to deployment and did not. All of us who have responded truely hope your future marriage will be fullfilling for both of you and kids.
"All I want is a weeks pay for a day's work" Steve Martin
