It's going to be a bumpy ride

[Dom R]

personally, i agree. that's the "showing love" part.

except when the spouse is saying, "aww, its just soo tough me moving out.. i feel all lonely in my house and want affection, gimme!"
to which point, the response would traditionally be, "I'm so glad you feel the same way as I do! So... when are you moving back?"

said a bit toungue in cheek.. The "professionals" may advice a little less pounding of 2x4s on his head every time. then again. others may say that you should be totally dark, and say "call me when you reaaaally want to move back in. otherwise.. c-ya".

it's not clear to me when each approach is best.

Probably the best advice is to pick an approach, and then be consistent in it.