I am going to try with you once more, because I really think you need a helping hand. I say once more, because I tried to help you once and you turned on me quite nastily. It was when you were very first on here and you had a different screen name. I suggested that you show some independence and let your screen name reflect that. You weren't too pleased with my advice.
But, I will try again, because I think that your thread will continue to just be a place to feel sorry for yourself and the only visitors you will get are those in that same frame of mind. I really am not trying to hurt you by saying this. I want you to be able to move forward from where you are stuck.
Your last post about your H's b-day is what prompted me to write. You said your H hates his b-day, then you said, "too bad." I don't get this. If he hates his b-day, why don't you respect that and do exactly what he wants, even if it is nothing at all? If you want your H to like you more, why would you so blatantly disregard his feelings? EVEN IF he does go to dinner and ends up having a good time, in the state he is in it is quite possible that later on all he will remember is that you didn't listen to him and you pushed your own agenda.
I notice in your posts that you blow him off a lot like this. For example, with having sex. He says he shouldn't, you say, "that's ridiculous!" Can you see how demeaning that could be to him? He is obviously very confused. You just keep doing more of the same, almost as if pounding him over the head with how dumb his feelings are will work for you somehow.
Again, I am not trying to make you feel bad. I just would really like you to read thru this thread and see that you rarely really talk very well of your H. I wonder what it is you want back so badly? Yes, you do nice things for him, such as cooking nice meals or giving massages, but your H seems to be crying out for something much more than those surface things. I would understand if he doesn't feel as if he can talk to you about his issues. You don't seem to make it easy for him, and you seem to disagree rather than to really listen to his point of view.
HSS, since you have been here it has been more of the same from you. At what point will you see that it is not working? You are mired in such negativity. It is quite honestly hard to read your posts at times.
I really hope that instead of getting defensive, you will take these words to heart. Sit down and re-read this thread. Make notes of the negative things you said about your H and also note the times you disregarded his feelings. You will have to see that it is quite excessive. How could anyone feel good in that house? It seems that it would be one very uncomfortable place to be.
None of us wanted our spouses to leave. But telling them how dumb they are for doing it (or simply believing this to be the only problem that got you here)ain't gonna get them back. If you want your H to stay, as hard as it is, you are going to have to suck it up and get a better attitude. Really, if you were him, would you want to stay? Look beyond the meals and "benefits." If you take away those, what are you to him? And if you can't find an answer to that, it is certainly time to figure out what is lacking and how to get it.
I hope you take this in the spirit it is intended.
