well, 3 weeks w/o fighting (at least on my end) is something, right? back to square one for me, now, though. lets see how long I can go.
he just called to say goodnight to the kids, and all was fine at first. then he said he thought he'd stay with the kids at the pool after swimming lessons tomorrow (he takes them on tues mornings when I go to therapy). I said, cool, no problems. then he mentioned taking them to lunch after...ummm, okay, I asked him how late he was planning on keeping them. he got very testy and asked why it mattered. I said I just need to shift things around depending on the timing and such. he wouldn't give me an idea, and finally I said is he talking done by 1pm, or done by 3pm. he was testy, saying he didn't have to do it at all. I said it wasn't a problem, I just needed to know (again) if I needed to shift stuff around. he finally said more like 1, but again, that he didn't need to do it at all. I asked why he was yelling at me, that 1 was fine, it was only if it was 3 that I needed to re-arranged stuff.
I got pissy, I did. I got annoyed. I'm annoyed at him. I'm annoyed that he is doing this at all, and annoyed that I am in this position at all. and annoyed that I can't even talk to my husband any more. and I got pissy, sarcastically told him to have a good night, and slammed the phone down.
not exactly db-ing at its finest, now, was it.
I'm dying to call him back and apologize. but honestly, I know it won't matter. once again, I'm the bad guy, he has ammo where I am (even though he was an ass, too, he won't see it in himself). so I'm trying to restrain myself, even if its something I should have done with the whole conversation, and too late to change that.
god I hate all this. I hate it. why is he doing this? when did I become the bad guy? when???? trust me, I know all of my faults, and have accepted and tried/am trying to change them.
crying again. oh yeah, this is going to be a great night. 1 more hour and the kids will be in bed and I can wallow to my hearts content.
so did I blow it so badly that its irreparable? (big assumption that it was reparable to begin with). should I apologize? I was not testier than he was. but should I? other than just a great big yes when he first mentioned taking the kids longer, no questions asked, what could I have done differently?
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
