Is verycrazy piecing or just crazy?

[25yearsmlc]

VC,

buy a really good set of ear plugs, and I'm serious. I'd use an IPOD if it doesn't bother him. Staying in the same bed seems like one of those simple but essential keys to intimacy with or without sex. Snuggling, comforting in bad dreams, etc.

Try compartmentalizing in small amounts of time. Sorry if this is a repeat. But over a year ago we went to Palm Springs for a conference. The girls, me and H. I decided for 4 days I could set aside ALL anger and thoughts of the past or worries about the future. I really wanted the girls to have a fun little vacation and memories and maybe it'd be their last. We spent some on a horse tour, a show, etc. I let myself see my h's traits that I like and as for his not so great qualities, I'd either overlook them for the trip, or see them as endearing....(Mostly overlooked). He can be really funny and he is a great teacher about wildlife, geology, and the sciences in general. We really had fun. It was a good time. And since it was just for 4 days, I figured I could justify "letting h off" for a few days. You know, we had a really good time and I learned a lot. By focusing on the Now, the moments we DO have, we are building more of them. And as that builds, it seems to me, so far, that the past is easier to let go of. Each good time we have, kind of proves what we can build and regain, and even improve upon.

Can you take it maybe a week at a time? You know, no matter what your h's feelings are for ow, he is confused. Okay, so what? I mean, it'd be nicer if he were totally 100% SURE but he isn't. Are you? Really? I think he is trying hard to pick you. Make it easy for him, okay? LOSE thoughts of OW for a week at a time, okay? Until incontrovertible evidence of a PA slaps you in the face, why not enjoy and relish the hope that does exist? But if he treats you badly, a lot, at some point ask yourself if he is worth it...I trust you still believe he is worth it...so back to the Plan...

He's trying to work it out, no matter what ow is doing, with her h, or without, etc and for the life of me, how is obsessing or snooping going to help him sort it all out? isn't the building of memories the best way to "win" this? Even if you don't succeed, you are building memories for your son, AND you're making it harder for him to leave and "forget" all the good memories. Recall that you are replacing the bad ones he keeps bringing up, with good ones. BTW, doesn't he have ANY flaws in the past? Ask him when you guys are going to actually start fresh? If you can't hold the A over his head, and who the hell wants to? Then he has to stop justifying his past (or present) behavior with vilifying you. Enough. Move on. Or end it. Ask him. DOes he want the M to work or not? YOU"VE had to let go of a lot. It's his turn. Do this as lovingly, playfully and all, before you calmly suggest it. If it comes out in anger, just keep it short. Good luck, I'm moving in 2 weeks. I am , God help me, a little excited and sad and sorry to see d18 go off to college, and God knows what else...d10 said 2 things worth noting. last night she blurts out for the first time I can think of in 2 years...."I MISS DADDY".....OMG.....she also said she is "getting excited about moving to Alaska so she can have a new adventure".....Dang, I want HER attitude. I think since she's gonna be an only child in a way, it's her way of coping. Her older sister will have a new adventure, and so, she will too.

take care, and keep in mind that if your h is trying hard to sort things out, you gotta let him see WHY he should pick you and it isn't b/c of duty or being the right thing to do. (Well, to us it is, but not to them).....it's b/c you are a woman only a fool would leave....btw, did you do the grief diet or something healthy? I'm asksing b/c suddenly I have ADDED 10 lbs, which is really just great. The only up side is that in Alaska, I'll still be skinny...
j-