hmmm..weird day today. alternating wallowing, we're talking playing "goodbye my lover" (james blunt) over and over, to being fine when my friend came by, to being downright angry...at him, and at myself for even wanting him. trying to figure out why I'm going to such extremes today. still, holding tight to my goals, so that is something.
thinking maybe friend and I just talked too much about stuff. she is so floored by what is going on, she keeps probing about hindsight and such. I love her to death, I don't mind talking about it, but I wonder if its just too much reliving, rehashing today. I go back to all of those things he has said to me over the past few months (the bad, not the good).
am also wondering if I need to stop talking to my MIL. I have tried to distance myself from her, except talking about the kids. but its really hard...I like her a lot. I like having her in my life. and she's the one person who knows H nearly as well as me, so she really gets it when I am shocked, etc, by his behavior.
still, I know I need to leave her out of it completely, and talking to her is hard. thinking I may just put her on the same thing as H...no calling. if she calls, fine, but no calling her. if there is a cute story about the kids, I can e-mail her (don't do that with h, but could with her).
this is going to be a real challenge for me...wonder if I can do it?
not much else to speak of today. guess I need to ride out the emotions I'm dealing with, journal, and try to focus on all of my blessings.
Last edited by morgan; 07/30/0707:49 PM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
