Of course there are no guarantees in life. You may indeed spend all this energy and have her walk in the end. But if your efforts delay her by a month or a week, that is more time for your children to have had a whole family.
You say you love your wife, describe the heartache you will feel if she leaves....Please tell me what else you would rather spend your energy on?
At the same time, you do need to remember to take care of yourself. You don't want to run yourself down, physically or emotionally, trying to be Superdad or Superhusband. Do what you can, what feels right, what may make the biggest impact, and take a break when you need to. Leave the rest. Leave the dishes in the sink once in a while--it may remind her that she never has to clean them.
Bit less of a vent now. W home and had a crap day also. S and D in bed asleep and had a glass of wine. Not sure if it is part of DB, but had a moan about work to W and then said thanks for listening.
Alone tomorrow with W after work, but will be packing caravan for holiday. Will have a fun meal in the caravan (chinese) with some music that she likes.
Agreed, interestingly enough, I forgot to take her work bag out to the car this morning and she complained that she was now used to that, so the dishes issue might not be such a bad idea.
I was moaning last night, but feel more positive today. Agreed that there are no certainties in life, but I know that I will fight for her and you are right, I will expend all my energies on keeping the family together and my W with me.
I'm using this site to off-load all my frustration so that they are not shown to W (used to do that), which is part of my 180. Takes time to change (mentally), so somewhere where I can moan is a godsend.
Don't worry; I've got some cheese here to go with your whine.
Dirty dishes was one of my pet peeves in my M. XW never wanted me to do them, because she was a homemaker and thought I would resent helping her. (She thought I only offered as a way to guilt her into taking care of it.) I finally made peace over that issue by stating unequivocably that the dishes were MY job, and if she insisted on doing them for me, she'd have to be quick.
So, for a few years anyway, I never had to make my own breakfast amongst the dirty dinner dishes. If I did, it was my own fault. Now every time I pick up the boys, I see the kitchen is an absolute mess. I've been out of the house for 18 months now--I wonder how long before she realizes that no one else is going to clean them up?
Just a little example of how people don't know what they've got til its gone. So an occasional reminder may be in order.
Thanks for the cheese, just finishing a glass of white whine now, so it will go down well.
Well the holidays have started here in Blighty and we are sharing the responsbility of looking after the children. W is currently one hour away in our caravan and I will rejoin them tomorrow.
Little bit of a slide last night (early hours). I wanted to get intimate and W is in turned-off phase of cycle. So neither of us got much sleep and consequently she was not in good mood when I left early this morning. Will apologise when I see her tomorrow night.
Going to rant a bit now.....patience is not for wimps and I feel like a total wimp at the moment. W will have 5 days away from me next week and I know the OP will contact her during that time (just on the phone). I know she hasn't seen him for 2 months, but why can he profess his love and I have to keep my mouth shut and act as though the sun is shining (which it definately isn't in Britain). I would love to go down on one knee, share my love with my W and sweep her into my arms; instead I will act like her best friend and listen to her complain about life instead.
On the plus side, the 180s seem to be OK. No R talk except when with counsellor and some fun times together. W talked about a concert we were going to see in September (part of her birthday present). Asked W to pick up passport application for D today as we have a holiday booked for October in Mallorca. Going to phone now and check how she got on and how the children are.
Well phone is engaged, so I will have to just wait. Images of W talking to OP are flashing through my head, but hopefully it will just be the fact that she is getting them showered and ready for bed. Suppose I will find out soon enough when she phones.
Pamar, I understand just how you feel when we're not suppose to say anything and just detach. I want to talk to my wife. I have no intentions of begging or bringing up her relationship I just want to talk to her and I feel like she should be okay with that. But since she has her bootycall or whatever she can no longer talk to her husband. This really sux. I'm not ready for her to move in, I just want to be able to communicate like a normal human being.
OK, phonecall out of the way and it was OK. Spoke to D for a couple of minutes and W for a bit of the time.
Mr_Indecisive99, I suppose I am slightly more fortunate than a lot of the people on this site, I can have those conversations with my W, just not the ones about love and caring. W even dropped into a conversation last week that she thought about starting smoking (talk about a reverse 180). I played along and agreed with her, but inside I thought - WTH?!
Nevermind, slightly at ease now - must be the wine. W has a friend coming to visit tomorrow, so know will not be talking to OP. I have work then a weekend away so will correspond all next week when W has her 'time alone' with only the children for company.
Weekend over and now back to work. Time went OK, with lots of tears from W and her being sick (through drink) on Saturday night. I held the bowl and rubbed her back. Made some cutting comments whilst drunk (but I glossed over them) and cried on my shoulder; stated she had spoiled the weekend.
Friday night was interesting. I wanted to get intimate, she was not in the mood, but we started and had a good time. She certainly seemed to enjoyed it, but floods of tears and heatbreak after it. In true DB style, I held her close and kept my mouth shut (no questions, no deep and meaningful conversations). Didn't rise to any challenges, so still confused as hell where this is going, but more positive today.
Starting a week away from W and children, so will only be talking on the phone. Not sure if this is good or bad, but will DB all the way from here.
Several calls tonight, mainly to chat to the children, but also to W. Txtd her this morning to say I missed all 3 (not sure if it was wise, but she did meantion it). Counselling in 2 weeks time, so will see if we are forward or not. Might broach subject of OP at that, along the lines of 'together we can work this out and move forward, but not with OP in tow'.
Suggestions on whether this would be a bright idea would be gratefully received.
