I don't know why I post anymore because I don't get much in the way of responses. I feel sometimes like the lack of responses I get to my posts is an indicator of how little hope of reconciliation there is in my situation.

I never hear from H anymore. He has not contacted me directly in a long time. I send occasional email about S17's stuff and I did see him last week at a football passing camp. He smiled and spoke but that was about it. I just keep praying and praying and hoping and hoping.

Is the fact that I can't just walk away a sign that there is something wrong with me? Is it possible since my IL's seem to be accepting OW as being "very nice" a sign that she is the right person for H and that I should just give up?

When I pray for a sign that I should stay the course I usually get something that indicates to me that I am on the right track but am I imagining the signs or are they real?

This is so hard. I have had to attend two weddings in the last 2 weeks and although I was so totally happy for the couples, one of which are my age and the bride was marrying for the first time, I always feel a tremendous sadness during the vows. I remember vividly looking into my H's eyes and saying and hearing those same vows. I saw the look of love in my H's eyes and know the feeling of love in my heart when I said mine.

As our friends got married one by one after us, he still looked deeply into my eyes when they said their vows and I still saw that he meant them. How did that all change? Should we renew our vows every five years so that we maintain that feeling?

I miss that man who looked at me with those loving eyes and I do not ever want to be with anyone else. I will not be bitter if it doesn't work out because I had the one great love of my life but I can just about guarantee that I will not do this again.

Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.