I wanted to give an update since it is now about 3 months since H has come home.
First of all.........I just really didn't know how to act when he moved back in. Frankly, I was used to being on my own and the peace was plentiful. I like quiet when I'm home - and since he was no longer part of my life I had plenty of quiet.
Was I supposed to cater to his every whim (whatever that means) -follow him around and praise him...........etc, blah, blah, blah!
Just didn't know how to be the new me I had become. By the end of the first month I felt I was falling apart all by myself simply because I didn't know how to act. I was going back to the "old" me.......I didn't like it. It was not his fault at all - he was being nice enough but I did sense that he was a little ill at ease. I think it was because he had witnessed the changes in me and was coming home to that......and now I was going back to the old me - which was not the confident me I had become.
So........I got together with H's sister one Sunday afternoon. I knew she would help to center me once again. We had the most awesome day together. We talked for hours and hours and she brot me back to life with all the reminders of what God has done in the last several months and the freedom that He had given me in all this. I was putting myself back in my own bondage for no reason. She gave me a scripture that she was sure was for me that she had gotten at a Woman's Conference that weekend. Galatians 5:1: It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
She helped me see that I had been free before H came home - and when he came home I put the yoke back on all by myself. Turned out the main scripture in my church the next Sunday was the very same one that my SIL gave.
From that moment on life has not been the same. I have taken back my freedom in the Lord and have gone back to who I had become while H was away.
and.....so many wonderful things have happened in the last 2 months that continue to show how much God does have his hand on my life. You see, it is one thing to have H home. It is another to ruin my relationship with my Lord. It is my relationship with my God that keeps the rest of my life alive and vital. With or without H - I can live. With or without my Lord - I can not!
I do see our relationship improving everyday. Things don't bother me like they would anyone looking at this situation. I do know that God is in control of my life and so things have become very exciting one baby step at a time.
It is all about taking control of ourselves and being able to find and complete our own person without relying on someone else. Then if there is a someone else.........it should only enhance your life...NOT take away from it.
A million things have happened that I won't go into detail about but wonderful things are being accomplished with each passing day both with my H and with my walk in life in general. I've had more business come in this summer than I have in many years past and this thrills me no end. Those who remember me here know the struggles I have had financially the last several years. And yes, I still struggle with finances...but life is improving in that area and there is hope. There is always hope my friends...there is always hope.
don't allow your zeal for life to be taken from you. Let the spouse go and work on you. You will see that the spouse will take a second look at a more confident you. But you can't do it with that in mind or it makes it not real for you. Truly, you have to just plain get your eyes off the spouse and move on. That is where life begins for you. When we try to find life with our eyes on what the other half is doing...we can't focus and get a grip on what there is for us.
When we are able to move on from this hurt and find life...we are then better able to give life. And giving life to those we love and cherish is so very precious.
anyway...that's just a little bit of the story. Time will tell what happens down the road - but I don't have my head up my rear-end anymore. That's a very good sign.
I am also thrilled because I finally have my website up for my business too. If you are so inclined please check it out just to see - I would appreciate it so much.
