I talked to her last night. She told me she used to love me so much. Instead of responding, I listened. She said that I had hurt her so many times. I listened. She said that the fact that she could be with another man showed that she was not that much in love with me anymore. I listened. She said the fact that she would go visit this man showed her that our M wasn't what it used to be. I listened. She said the fact that all she thought about was him, she could not be with me anymore. I listened. She said that when he broke it off with her, she didn't know if she could build that love with me again. I listened. She said she gave it another try when she came back in January but didn't think I would change. I listened. I listened. I listened.
Then I spoke.
I told her this would be the last time I asked her anything about her plans for us. I was tired of putting the pressure on her to make a decision other than the one she made. This is the decision she made after the MC asked use not to make any decisions about us for at least six months. I told her there was nothing that would make me want to leave her. Nothing. The fact that she was with another man I could deal with. I have supported her through everything. Even things I didn't think were necessarily good, I supported her in that. I said I understand that you need to work on your issues. Do you have to divorce me in order to work on your issues? Do you have to separate our family while you work on your issues? She wouldn't say anything. Then I knew it was time to be quiet. Because when I ask questions, she doesn't like to answer them. And I get frustrated.
I may have gone against DBing, but like you said, I will not be torturing myself about not saying things I wanted to say. I am going dark. I don't care anymore about putting on a happy face when I am not happy. If she can make this decision to leave and move out without having a job shows me she is not thinking clearly. If some OM has her head filled up with how things should be, then so be it. Let her see how someone else will treat her.
