Let’s start off with exactly what is a “true Dieda man?” Is there such an animal, at least in the way I think you are thinking? If you take out the fact that the woman loves the man, take out sex, I assume that still leaves the possibility that the man loves the woman, right? Do you think that could be a significant reason why many men marry?
If a man does not love a woman, then I don’t think he should marry, no matter what the obligations are that he may otherwise feel. I speak from experience on this point. At this point in my life, were I to divorce, I would have to meet someone pretty amazing for me to get remarried. Otherwise I don’t see much reason to.
As for where you went wrong, if you really want the answer to this, then give me a little more information on you. I asked you some questions a while back to which you never responded. Personally, I think you have a lot of FOO issues to address if you want to truly know “where you went wrong.” It is simply NOT possible for a healthy functioning person to become attracted to someone with your wife’s background unless that person has complimentary FOO issues. Your wife filled a need (or needs) in you. What were those needs and why did you have them to begin with? What was modeled to you to make you attracted to someone who would meet those particular needs?
