Shocked H in NJ looking for DB help

[Heimlich]

Thanks, man, I appreciate the kind words. If I ever make my way to Jersey (so close, but so far away), I'll see about buying you a beer or 10.

You keep saying you're done, but

The only way i've ever known to deal with this, is to get mad, resent and dislike the other person, and leave the relationship. I can honestly say, that I know i'll be fine and if my D weren't in the picture, I would be done with my W right now. The pain, direspect, etc. are enough that I could move on. I don't really want to, but I would cut my losses, and begin to heal myself.

You don't really want to, do you? Making the effort for your D is a worthy goal, and a reason to try. I only played the 'kid' card once because I don't want to be together for our girls, but I think that if that's the reason that you both hang onto to keep moving forward to try to save the R, then hang onto that.

Also, is cutting off feelings for your W really going to heal yourself? If you walked out of the door right now, would you be able to honestly say that you did everything that you could? Cutting off feelings isn't dealing with the situation. It's cutting off feelings. From my experience and reading others, this is the hardest thing that any of us has ever done, at least emotionally. Dig deep and keep hanging in. Regardless of the outcome, you'll be better off in the long run for it.

You're rocked right now with the EA revelation. I remember that pain. The key word there is "remember." Every now and again, I'll get a real twinge of feeling, but, I can honestly say I'm over my W's A. It passes. It really does. For months, I couldn't drive past a hotel without a knot developing in my gut. You'll let it go. Give it time.

Regarding GAL/working out. Have you asked your parents to watch your D for a little bit longer so you can get a little workout in?

And, I've got to get back to work. While sitting on my buttocks and editing a magazine isn't quite as dangerous as your job, Mr. Hot Fuzz, (though the occassional paper cut -- vicious), I understand completely how the sitch affects your focus. It still does and it's been almost a year for me.

Take care,

BD