Thank you IK. I don't really have anyone that I could ask to come along on the trip, so I ended up canceling.
Today has been awful, just awful. I was having a perfectly fine day at work, took a walk at lunchtime to a salad place I like. I called home on the way there to see how d7's playdate went (H is home w/kids today). He asked me to call back in a few minutes. I called as I was eating my salad, we discussed playdate (had a few laughs), how the day was going (on his end that is, he NEVER asks about my day anymore) and then he brought up the trip. Said he wasn't sure that we should go since he is thinking about s, didn't want me to think that everything was ok if we went, blah, blah, blah. I tried to keep my cool, said that I knew nothing had changed and I thought it would be nice to go for the kids. I said that maybe he didn't want to spend the time with me (bad DBing, I know). He said that wasn't it, it wasn't like he couldn't bear to be with me (paraphrasing here, of course). He didn't give me a yes or no answer about the trip and said he would call me later. Mr. wait-until-the-last-second made me wait until 15 minutes before cancellation time to discuss whether we would be going. Correction: I guess that makes him Mr. "Wait-until-the-last-15 minutes." So he tells me that he would like to go, the kids deserve it, but he feels like he doesn't deserve it. I said "What do you mean by that? Why don't you deserve it?" He told me that he didn't know if I'd want to go with him, if I knew that he'd been looking for apartments. I tried to stay cool and tell him that I figured he'd been looking, but then he told me that he thinks he has found a place. OUCH! That really knocked me on my butt. He hasn't made a decision yet though, but it's a furnished condo that's available after August 1. Luckily, at this point it was 5 minutes to cancellation without penalty time, so I told him I decided I didn't want to go away for the weekend and I would call him later. That was over an hour and a half ago and I have no desire to call him.
Tons of thoughts going through my head and I'm still at work. How could he even consider leaving his family? My poor kids. What kind of person makes that choice? How is he going to afford an apt? They must not have run a credit check because his credit is just awful. OK, I've got to go. Thanks for reading. I'll check in later.
I know how it feels like another mini-bomb when you realized H is looking for apts. I understand it knocking you back, but you can and will recover from it. It stinks, but we have to let our WAS' do what they are going to do. I have asked myself many of the questions you just asked in your last post, especially about how H could leave his family. I'm not sure if it is that the WAS' don't think about those questions or they do, but don't want to face the answers.
I will send you an email. Sorry about the terrible day you had yesterday. Things will get better.....remember that! I hope today will be better for you.
Quick update: H and I had a long R talk Friday night, which I started (bad Dbing, I know!). I had to say something about a remark he made on the phone that afternoon. He had said "I'm miserable, you're miserable." and I had to let him know that I'm not miserable. That led to a long talk, with some defending on my part, some validating, and just talking. It was actually very nice, like talking to my old H.
Then we watched a movie together on tv.
When I said goodnight and started to go upstairs he said "come here" and he gave me a huge hug. SO nice. Baby steps.
NA Tried to respond last night but couldnt. I was smiling for you when your H gave you the hug.
Hugs too.
CVA
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Hi there! I haven't been posting, but I have been following your thread. Lots of great support here. Great news about last night. I hope today is going well too.
Nomo
M 39 W 39 M'd 10 yrs; T 14 yrs S7 D4 Bomb 5-8-05 W not working on M 1-22-07; EA 2-22 DB 4-10 S 6-11 No more C Link
Hi everyone. Thanks for checking in and for your encouraging comments. I knew that only you guys would know how much a simple hug from H would mean to me right now.
The weekend was so-so. I already wrote about our talks on Friday afternoon (phone) and night (at home). A few things I forgot to mention: on the phone before he told me that he was looking at apts., he said he felt so bad because I was reading all of these books about saving the marriage and he didn't feel that way. On Friday night he brought up the books again and I told him that they were helping me. I had left 5LLs on the coffee table in the living room a few days ago (without saying anything about it) and I told him it was really insightful and I asked him if he had looked at it. He said he had taken the test! (Anyone remember my post about wanting to ask him to take the test?) So, we talked about that for a bit. His LL is physical touch, as I guessed, with QT a close second. He was able to guess my LLs (a tie between AOS and WOA). That was just part of a very long relaxed conversation, much better than our talk on the phone that afternoon. I really felt "connected" that night.
Saturday- He took off by himself for a couple of hours of alone time. He said he was going to the library, but I was worried that he was going to come back with a signed lease. He didn't. Baby step. (I need to imprint Nomo's worry quote on my arm so I can refer to it often!)
That afternoon I took d7 and s7 to the movies (GAL) to see Ratatouille. We had a good time and afterwards went home and then out to dinner with H and d1.5. H was a little tense, which I attributed mostly to how difficult d1.5 can be at restaurants. Then we decided to go out for ice cream- on the way, s7 had to go to the bathroom so we stopped at a Starbucks. I waited in the car while H brought in s7 and d7 and while I was waiting, I got to witness a "child swap" between 2 obviously divorced parents. The mother was waiting in her car on one side of me and then the father got there (with another woman and 2 kids) and parked on the other sie of me. They all got out and they did the switch. That brought me down a bit. I didn't say anything about it to H. Tried to stay UP! The rest of the night went fine. H and I actually went up to bed together for the first time in forever, but he stayed far to his side. I'm not reading anything into it- I know he slept in the bed because Sunday is traditionally his day to sleep in (I get Saturdays). He's been sleeping on the couch more and more lately.
Sunday- I decided to take d7 and s7 to church (GAL). We hadn't gone in ages and it was very nice. I invited H but he said no thanks, so he stayed home with d1.5. I made a big mistake that afternoon by asking about planning a weekend to visit my parents. He doesn't want to go (which I already knew. Why did I ask?). When he said I should just take the kids myself, I got angry and said then maybe the next weekend he could take the kids away for the whole weekend on a 5 hour car trip by himself. Then I huffed away. I know I should just go without H, but I REALLY do not want to tell my parents that we are having problems. But they haven't seen the kids since Easter and I'm feeling guilty. So, here's where I need some good advice. I know you're all going to tell me to go, so please come up with some good lies to tell my parents! H has not come along with me on a trip to my parents since we were dating, so I know they're going to know something is wrong. Help, please!
Sunday afternoon- We all went out to buy a new grill. I should look at this as a positive. I was almost expecting him to say that he couldn't commit to grill shopping because he's thinking about separating! Besided the kids driving me nuts at the store, everything went fine and we found a nice grill on sale. H had to go back to pick it up later, so he got more alone-time. While I'm typing this, I'm noting that I might be feeling a little jealous of all of the alone time he got this weekend. I need to plan some time for me too.
Sunday night he went to a GA meeting. Before the bomb, when he got back from meetings, he would come up to see me and talk before going to bed. I can't remember the last time he did that, but he did last night, which was nice. Baby step. I was expecting him to sleep in out bed, but he didn't. Oh well.
This morning d1.5 woke up hysterical and screamed bloody murder for a good 40 minutes, d7 threw up, I had to clean up spilled milk, the cat was caterwauling, general insanity (you get the picture...) Once the chaos settled down, we moved the new grill out of the van. While we were doing that, I joked to him that it was mornings like this that made me want to get my own apartment. I don't think he found the humor in that.
OK, this was longer than I expected it to be! Happy Monday all!
NA Hang in there. I dont think you had a bad weekend at all from the sounds of it!
Chaos is to be expected w/ 3 kids, a cat and crazy H!
CVA
Me: 46 Wife: 39 D: 13 S: 11, 9, 7 Bomb 3.2.07, Sep Same Day, D papers 11.1.07 Current Status - Wants to take me through Discovery, I will go to prison first.
Besided the kids driving me nuts at the store, everything went fine and we found a nice grill on sale. H had to go back to pick it up later, so he got more alone-time. While I'm typing this, I'm noting that I might be feeling a little jealous of all of the alone time he got this weekend. I need to plan some time for me too.