*SPOILER ALERT* In one, a cheating husband sits down to tell his wife about his affair with a younger woman. Before he can, she reveals that she has cancer. He quickly has to decide if he should leave her as planned or care for her with this terrible malady. He decides to do the right thing and care for her and pretend he was faithful. He dumps his OW with a text! Great scene. He pretends to love his wife that he fell out of love with before. He pretends that they are a happy couple by cooking for her and reading her the newspaper. The narrator recites that ,"In pretending to be a man in love, he became a man in love." When she dies, he goes on living alone for the rest of his life mourning for the wife he relearned to love.
Wow! That brought tears to my eyes just reading about it. Maybe I will try and find that movie.
Me 54 DS19 and DS17 Married 06/1989 Divorced 01/2011
wow, Jack, thanks for that. you are right, of course, on all fronts. will amend my goal, and will focus on the gifts I do have. we have a friend who died of cancer last month, only 39 years old, and she left a husband and 2 small children. I need to remember what I have. I do.
mkultra, wow on that movie. wow. I just rented the painted veil recently...highly recommend that one, too. won't give it away, but there were some parts that really made me think. think I might rent the one you are talking about.
I do believe in acting can produce real feelings. I have said often I believe in the ebb and flow of relationships...I went thru one a couple of years ago with H, where he felt more sibling than spouse, but instead of doing what he did (go outside the marriage), I pushed thru it, threw myself into my marriage, and it was true, I felt the in love portion grow and thrive again.
okay, small proud right now. the kids were really cute in swim lessons and the boys made some great strides...something I am dying to call H about. but I won't. I'm not going to. will share it with him when he calls later.
made plans with a friend of mine to come over for a playdate. so GAL and keeping busy. and will even make sure most of the conversation does not revolve around H!
Last edited by morgan; 07/30/0702:24 PM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
thinking about that movie some more that mkultra posted about. this is how weird I am, I wouldn't want H to live his life alone. I wouldn't. I would want him to find love again. preferably not with OW, to be honest (for a lot of reasons, not just because she slept with my husband), but I would want him to find someone to spend his life with. still, off to netflix to see if its there!
eta, rats, its listed on netflix as a save...no release date set. well, its saved in my queue until it releases. fingers crossed!
Last edited by morgan; 07/30/0702:29 PM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
hmmm..weird day today. alternating wallowing, we're talking playing "goodbye my lover" (james blunt) over and over, to being fine when my friend came by, to being downright angry...at him, and at myself for even wanting him. trying to figure out why I'm going to such extremes today. still, holding tight to my goals, so that is something.
thinking maybe friend and I just talked too much about stuff. she is so floored by what is going on, she keeps probing about hindsight and such. I love her to death, I don't mind talking about it, but I wonder if its just too much reliving, rehashing today. I go back to all of those things he has said to me over the past few months (the bad, not the good).
am also wondering if I need to stop talking to my MIL. I have tried to distance myself from her, except talking about the kids. but its really hard...I like her a lot. I like having her in my life. and she's the one person who knows H nearly as well as me, so she really gets it when I am shocked, etc, by his behavior.
still, I know I need to leave her out of it completely, and talking to her is hard. thinking I may just put her on the same thing as H...no calling. if she calls, fine, but no calling her. if there is a cute story about the kids, I can e-mail her (don't do that with h, but could with her).
this is going to be a real challenge for me...wonder if I can do it?
not much else to speak of today. guess I need to ride out the emotions I'm dealing with, journal, and try to focus on all of my blessings.
Last edited by morgan; 07/30/0707:49 PM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
okay, thought I was doing fine. nothing like a 5 year old to knock you flat, though. I was making the kids dinner and they went to sit at the center island to eat. we have 4 counter stools around it, the kids have their usual one, and one left over that H often used (we do have a kitchen table when we all are together). anyway, S5 decided to mix things up and sit in the one H used to sit at. D3 called him on it, saying that's daddy's chair. S5 calmly explained how he can use it, 'cause daddy doesn't live here anymore. daddy lives somewhere else.
omg, I'm losing it. I am. yes, I know he knows H is living at his moms right now. but prior to this, it's always been, daddy is staying at mimi's house. now they are starting to refer to it as daddy's house. and now hearing him calmly explain it, in that black and white way kids have, it just hurts all over.
can't stop crying, need to pull it together so they don't see me like this.
sniff.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
showing great restraint here. to get out of the above funk, I led the kids in a rousing rendition of Spider Pig. which somehow led to many, many renditions of spider girl, spidermom, spider (insert each kids name). when they got to daddy, boy did I have some lyrics for it...but I held back, I held back. but my oh my could I fill that one in.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
well, 3 weeks w/o fighting (at least on my end) is something, right? back to square one for me, now, though. lets see how long I can go.
he just called to say goodnight to the kids, and all was fine at first. then he said he thought he'd stay with the kids at the pool after swimming lessons tomorrow (he takes them on tues mornings when I go to therapy). I said, cool, no problems. then he mentioned taking them to lunch after...ummm, okay, I asked him how late he was planning on keeping them. he got very testy and asked why it mattered. I said I just need to shift things around depending on the timing and such. he wouldn't give me an idea, and finally I said is he talking done by 1pm, or done by 3pm. he was testy, saying he didn't have to do it at all. I said it wasn't a problem, I just needed to know (again) if I needed to shift stuff around. he finally said more like 1, but again, that he didn't need to do it at all. I asked why he was yelling at me, that 1 was fine, it was only if it was 3 that I needed to re-arranged stuff.
I got pissy, I did. I got annoyed. I'm annoyed at him. I'm annoyed that he is doing this at all, and annoyed that I am in this position at all. and annoyed that I can't even talk to my husband any more. and I got pissy, sarcastically told him to have a good night, and slammed the phone down.
not exactly db-ing at its finest, now, was it.
I'm dying to call him back and apologize. but honestly, I know it won't matter. once again, I'm the bad guy, he has ammo where I am (even though he was an ass, too, he won't see it in himself). so I'm trying to restrain myself, even if its something I should have done with the whole conversation, and too late to change that.
god I hate all this. I hate it. why is he doing this? when did I become the bad guy? when???? trust me, I know all of my faults, and have accepted and tried/am trying to change them.
crying again. oh yeah, this is going to be a great night. 1 more hour and the kids will be in bed and I can wallow to my hearts content.
so did I blow it so badly that its irreparable? (big assumption that it was reparable to begin with). should I apologize? I was not testier than he was. but should I? other than just a great big yes when he first mentioned taking the kids longer, no questions asked, what could I have done differently?
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
and i just keep blowing it. just called his mom. see, didn't even keep that goal for a whole afternoon. not only that, I did ask her if H was still living with her. so I brought her in the middle again. I left it at that (her answer was yes), but still, I just suck. I do, I suck.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
