okay, so my first thread actually locked already. Time for a new one (and a new title). here's the link to the original thread: first thread
25yearsmlc, to answer you on the other thread, I can see where the confusion lies. my h hasn't told ME yet that he wants this to be over, that he wants a divorce. yes, he's shown me in some ways, but he hasn't actually told me, and in every R talk we've had, he's told me he isn't ready for it to be over. My panic (and yes, I know I have several of them) is that he does actually know what he wants, and is telling everyone but me. Now, he may not be doing this, but lets just say I have a vivid imagination and a very strong fear of this. and not only that, but of him telling lies about how/why. NO, I don't expect him to ever tell others, especially those he works with, that he is having an affair with OW. But I also don't want to be the villain. granted, I can't control him, and in his mind, at least until he actually accepts responsibility for real for his own actions, I am. so trying to let that go.
I do have a lawyer. I actually had a meeting with 2 different ones, and am pretty clear on where I stand and what I need to do. I did this back in april, and unfortunately did tell him...I was so ready to make everything easy for him, and also maybe scare him a bit (didn't really work, that part). I know he talked to a lawyer himself in response to my getting one. It was kind of funny, actually, when I brought up a conversation with my lawyer he seemed shocked that I had talked to one at all...told me "I haven't even talked to a lawyer!" umm, like I was supposed to wait for him or something?
anyway, thanks for the support and the kick in the butt, 25yearsmlc. I'm sad for your sister. Both of them, but especially the one who couldn't let go. That is awful, and I promise I won't let myself go that route, as hard as it is.
now to answer your question, linking is easy.
1)right click and copy the address in the address bar of your original thread.
2) when you start your new thread, just click the little "create a link" button (below the smilies, on the far left, looks like the earth on a paper clip).
3after you click the button, there will be a prompt to enter the address of the link...paste it right in there and hit enter (or whatever the button says)
4) you will then get a prompt as to what you want the link to say. type in whatever title you want to give it, and hit enter (or whatever the button says)
ta-dah! should work, if you have any problems/questions, I'll be happy to help. I'm almost giddy with the idea of helping you with anything, you've been so wonderful to me here.
Last edited by morgan; 07/29/0711:20 AM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
a couple of prouds today. first, h called and I was in a genuinely good mood, and sounded like it. I did not ask him his plans for the day, I did not hint around to find out what he was up to or anything. instead, I was upbeat and excited about my plans for the day (friends are coming with their kids this afternoon and staying for dinner, should be fun). I continue to pretend that their weekend together (assuming my gut was right about it) was frought with arguments and her neediness. yes, her hair extensions even fell out, and oh, that zit I've imagined on her chin, its getting bigger. hey, its my imagination, I can do what I want, right?
I did call his mom today, to genuinely see how she was feeling(she's been very ill), and I did NOT hint around anything about H or his plans/how he's doing/etc. I did not dump on her about how I am doing. true progress, that.
lastly, and completely unrelated, I made a lemon cake using my new sandcastle bundt pan, and the thing actually released and came out perfectly!!!! wooo-hooo!!!
off to make sangria. hoping for a good, distraction filled day.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
well, broke one of my goals...called him. he didn't pick up so I left a vm. I had to, I just thought of something $ wise that he needed to be aware of before accepting the new job, should he do so. its something I didn't think of until today, and I know he hasn't thought of it...definitely something to think of so he can have it as part of the package at the new company, or have it come back to him some other way.
no more calls today. should have just e-mailed him, probably, now that I think back on it. and yeah, it will probably bite me in the ass...bearer of bad news and all that. but I couldn't not say anything, its a pretty big thing.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I say do not call with help or advice. I may be a little upset now, but they do not want to hear care from the person that is DBing. They may see caring as controlling or smothering. I am guilty of this and am paying dearly. My H actually just said, "I would not call you at 10PM for that info so don't call me." Jerk. Stuff that used to be normal for us to talk about (daycare, TV, sports, kids' milestones) is now a burden for him so I will drop it and try to avoid calling at all. The saddest part is no longer trading stories about the kids. My son is only two so there is a wonderful milestone all the time" a new phrase, potty training, a cute outfit. He is missing it all.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
thanks jack and mkultra. He ended up calling me at 4:30 yesterday, I had friends and their kids over for dinner, and we were deep in the sangria at that point. well, not too deep, but having a good time. So I definitely sounded perky. lol. it was noisy so I went in the other room and he was cool with my message. I couldn't really talk long, but apparently it was something he had thought about (shocking, usually I'm the one who thinks of these things, but very cool...I like that he did). So I felt better, and things seemed okay between us. he talked to the kids very briefly (they were busy with their friends) and then that was that. Nice that I was legitimately having fun. I mean, after all, he had the horrible (in my mind at least) weekend with OW...you know, the bickering, the rain, the giant killer zit. while I, well, I had a really good time.
mkultra, it is really sad, isn't it, what they are missing out on? I know it gets to mine sometimes, at least. its funny, H keeps saying that he's not sentimental, but then when he finds out we had a picnic on the kids new picnic table, he gets sad that he missed the first picnic on it (????).
Jack, hope you are doing okay. haven't seen you around lately.
Last edited by morgan; 07/30/0710:46 AM.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
okay, he just called to say good morning to the kids. he sounds very distant on the phone. still, I didn't ask what was up with him at all...is that right? I was afraid to hear the answer, I guess, and until I'm ready to I am not asking. I figure if its good news, he'll tell me w/o prodding, right?
goals for the day: no calls to him, unless something dire/life threatening.
start the book my therapist lent me
write in my journal (missed yesterday)
try to envision my life without him in a positive way
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
That last one is a slippery slope or emotions. Why not picture today and tomorrow without him and let it build. Get thru one day at a time and the positives will help you build a future of good thoughts.
Why do we forget each day is a gift and we have to treat it like a cherished gift? I have a good friend whose wife is dying of cancer. 9 months ago they gave her 6-12 months to live and they have 2 kids 4 & 6. They had to sit the kids down and explain this to them. I have battled cancer twice in the past 15 years, yet I forget that life is a gift.
We may not like the cards we have been dealt but we are still in the game and today may be filled with wonderful things. Enjoying life and having a positive and thankful attitude is up to us. I wallow in self pity, yet that pity is my own choice I have given W too much power when “I” have the power to feel better. I won’t let her steal another day from me.
Wow, I got on a ramble there, but it is so true!! We just need to reinforce that in our heads every day.
Jackw, that reminds me of a beautiful movie I just saw called "Paris, Je Taime". It is made up of short vignettes of Paris. *SPOILER ALERT* In one, a cheating husband sits down to tell his wife about his affair with a younger woman. Before he can, she reveals that she has cancer. He quickly has to decide if he should leave her as planned or care for her with this terrible malady. He decides to do the right thing and care for her and pretend he was faithful. He dumps his OW with a text! Great scene. He pretends to love his wife that he fell out of love with before. He pretends that they are a happy couple by cooking for her and reading her the newspaper. The narrator recites that ,"In pretending to be a man in love, he became a man in love." When she dies, he goes on living alone for the rest of his life mourning for the wife he relearned to love.
Me:38 H:39 MLC M:10 R:23 years D6 S3 Bomb: Easter, 2007 "Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day."
The narrator recites that ,"In pretending to be a man in love, he became a man in love."
I wish I could send that to my H! jackw, thank you as you helped me get some strength I was missing this morning. You are so right, there is so much in life we should thank God for and things could be a lot worse for many of us - although some days that may be hard to believe.
