You said: "know - it was a bad exchange on my part. I wanted to be nice. I wanted to say kind things. I just could not bring myself to do it. I was so upset and his arrival at home was so unexpected. I wasn't prepared to be affirming."
Have you ever heard of the saying "if you can't say anything good don't say anything at all"?
You did excellent. You recognize your communication problem and didn't let the little voice in your head that was telling you to "blow up" take over. You have started the journey on self help. Great that you H was checking out web sites.
You are on your way girl. Keep up the good work. Go ahead and get the counseling YOU NEED. To make your self better the rest will fall into place.
But now you need to give us a better description of yourself. Without the orange fingers. LOL
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
