Thank you! After posting that last message I did some soul searching and realized that trying to be his friend, to be accomodating, etc. was killing me. I told him that I needed to change everything. I said that he was welcome to use the house to be with the kids for as long as he needed it but that I couldn't be here. That being his friend was just not enough for me at this point and that I needed to distance myself from him as much as possible to make myself understand that I didn't need him to be my knight anymore. I told him that I loved him and that would never change but that I need to stay away from him as much as possible so I can quit living my life hoping for something that is probably never going to happen.
It will be the hardest thing I have done to date but I know I need to do it. Not committing to going completely dark, really can't with two kids but, after his parents visit next week, I am cutting off all "family time" until he makes it clear that he wants to be with me. I doubt that will ever happen. It is so scary to know that this might be the end of anything resembling "us" but I know I have to do it. I'm really, really scared and so sad.
...still hanging in there!
M - 40 H - 45 (Big Time MLC - Currently House Hopping) S - 11 (w/ Asperger's Syndrome Autism) D - 5 (w/ Type 1 Diabetes) 1 Dog and 2 Cats Married 10/92, Bomb 10/06, H moved out Mother's Day 07 (Sweet huh?)
