Shocked H in NJ looking for DB help

[Heimlich]

Willing,

Just want to reiterate that you can and will get past this. Don't expect yourself to make any decisions now. Take care of yourself and do the best you can to focus on work. I know it's hard, but you've got to find a technique that works for you. Nomo mentioned a stop sign. I tell myself to shut up. Other things work for other folks. It takes practice, but you can learn to divert your negative thoughts.

Your thoughts are spinning out of control. Allow for the negative thoughts, but realize there are some positives:
1. Your W told you about the EA AND said she realizes the grass isn't greener. She didn't have to do either of these things.
2. You're still doing some things together
3. She's still in the house
4. She has noticed the changes you're making
5. You're not living a lie. You're going through a tremendous marital challenge. Really, what's the benefit in having everyone else know what's going on? In many ways, it can make relations more awkward. Plus, when you get back together, you can awe your relatives/friends (if you choose) of how you kept together during such a tough time.

Stay patient. Stay sane. Don't force the issue. Start doing your best to focus on yourself and not on the outcome of the R. One of the keys of success it seems to me, and maybe Nomo has some thoughts on this, is that most of these relationships don't start to turn until we truly accept that the R might be over and really start believing that we'll be OK if that happens. You can't just say it, you've got to feel it. It stinks, and it's hard, and it doesn't mean that you've given up, but you'll get to the point where you'll continue to give it your best effort but know, deep down, that you'll be OK -- not just OK, but better than you have been in the past few years -- whichever way it goes. I think this removes the pressure from our partner and, combined with GAL, really places doubt in their mind about what they might be missing.

Take care of yourself. Please be careful. Feel free to drop me a line anytime as well.

BD