Walking in a minefield

[Atlas]

wc,

i support whatever decision you make, we all have our limits and i think i would have given in a lot sooner, i don't have that kind of patience. your a good man and will make someone proud and happy.

keep us updated, i know you'll keep posting, but just wanted to let you know your a big part of my db bb experiance.

heimlich, haha about the keyboard, i have the desktop downstairs with a great set up, but for some reason sitting on the coach feet up with the laptop is just so relaxing.

i'm going to go see if i can get it fixed, um sometime.

[Heimlich]

WC,

My post last night was unclear: kudos for trying even as your W made plans to see OM. I'm with you, I couldn't continue were my wife to continue/restart the A she had. No judgement from me about it being over for you.

Sorry things worked out like this for you. Keep posting. Miss the humor, even though I'm sure not much seems funny right now for you.

Best,

BD

[BeingMe]

You are the only one who knows when it's time to walk. We all have different boundaries, different histories, and varying levels of pain dished out by our WAS's, so don't feel bad for a decision you made that you think is right for you and your son.

DB'ing is not only for saving your M, but saving or building a better you (sometimes, that means rediscovering the person you were when your met your W, or it means lots of self analysis, and sometimes it leads to wanting out of the M, or whatever ... only you can say), and building a better you. Thereby, being able to have a better R in the future, with your W or with someone else.

Anyway, who are any of us here to judge you. No-one can kick you off the BB, and there are, in fact, forums on this BB for those who are separated, or thinking of leaving, or divorced and moving on (just check the Forum List). We are all at different stages of our journeys through life, so no one can say what is best for you and your sitch.

Good luck and take care.

[walkingcliche]

Brief update:

Had a great weekend with S, flu bug or no. Today was fantastic, we really had a good time. Got lots of great pictures, contemplated sending ome prints with him to MIL's, but decided to only send the tourist trap picture (it's the only one of both of us, kind of hard to get any pictures together with him when it's just the two of us).

S had some real breakthroughs to day in terms of bravery and learning. Great kid, all around. Took him to his favorite restaurant for dinner, one of the waitresses who has always had a shine for him made it a point to come and talk to us. I could be wrong, but I definitely think she was coming on to me. Nice.

The goodnight call was pretty stilted, W was somewhere with a lot of background noise (and a prominent male voice that I can only assume was OM). S was pretty excited about his day and tried to share as man details as he could, but W could not get off the phone fast enough (from guilt or indifference is anyone's guess). When I got back on the phone with her, she made some perfunctory inquiries regarding S's health, I told her his fever had come back (it has), but that I thought he was over the worst of it. She then told me we should have a good night, I returned the sentiment, she said bye-bye. This was my one and only "shot" tonight, but I really meant it: Rather than saying goodnight or bye, as has been my custom, I very clearly said the word "Goodbye". No malice or anything, just my way of saying it's truly over.

Plans for the future: I'm taking the week off from the sitch. No unnecessary contact whatsoever, no callbacks, nothing. I plan on seeing S on Wednesday, but that's it. Probably do some lawyer shopping, as there seems to be a problem with the curent guy, but I may just leave that till next week. I just need a break.

So, anyway, she loves OM. Big deal. Her car is still on the verge of collapse, her creditors are now calling 3 times a day, virtually all of her "friends" have abandoned her, and now the father of her child would be much, much happier if he never had to hear from her again. Good going, W.

And good luck.

[walkingcliche]

Huh, I didn't see any of the new posts until I posted that update. Thank you all for your encouragement.


On the day after the '04 election, John Kerry walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Hey, why the long face?".

[Atlas]

wc,

your a good dad to that s! good to see that.

don't think you are, but don't beat yourself up, grab the bootstraps and start the journey of life. your a smart guy, had a lot of new insight and learning take place. this can all be applied to the other aspects of your life, and a new relationship.

i keep feeling like i'm saying goodbye. your not going anywhere yet, yep that's me controlling.

[walkingcliche]

You jerk! I never loved you!

Sorry, I thought we were role playing. Seriously, thanks for the pep talk.

P.S. Lest you think I'm one sided when it comes to politics, here's a little "equal time":

Towards the end of one of President Bush's morning Inteligence Briefings recently, an aide mentioned in passing that 2 Brazilian soldiers had been kiled in action near Fallujah the night before. Bush's reaction to the news stunned the assembled directors, generals, and so forth, as he completely went to pieces and started wailing and pulling his own, shouting "I just can't believe it" over and over. When he finally got himself under control and regained some of his composure, he leaned over to another one of his aides and asked quietly: "How many is a Brazilian, anyway?"

Bah-Da-Bump-Ba-Dump-Bump.

Thank you, I'll be here all week.

[Nomopo]

Hello WC. You are quite character. I can honestly say I haven't run into anyone else on these Boards yet quite like you. A few things:

First, the "5 the hard way" sounds like it is meant for a business negotiation as opposed to a failing M. I haven't read it, but that's my guess.

I could be wrong, but I definitely think she was coming on to me. Nice.

You're probably right.

and a prominent male voice that I can only assume was OM.

Or, you could stop assuming since you really don't know and always assume the worst. Just a thought, but if you prefer to torture yourself, have at it.

W could not get off the phone fast enough (from guilt or indifference is anyone's guess).

Yep, once again you can't know but knock yourself out assuming the worst. (Maybe she was in the can. )

This was my one and only "shot" tonight, but I really meant it: Rather than saying goodnight or bye, as has been my custom, I very clearly said the word "Goodbye". No malice or anything, just my way of saying it's truly over.

So, anyway, she loves OM. Big deal.

Her car is still on the verge of collapse, her creditors are now calling 3 times a day, virtually all of her "friends" have abandoned her, and now the father of her child would be much, much happier if he never had to hear from her again. Good going, W. And good luck.

Don't take this the wrong way (it really is meant to help), but you don't sound like someone who is done. You sound like someone who is hurting (I'm sorry, and we all know how oyu feel, really), and like someone who wants to convince us (or, really, yourself), that he is done. Why is that? What's wrong with trying? You know you still care about and love her. You've said as much previously (even after telling us you're done). And you know what? I respect that about you. It takes a big mine to still love someone like a WAS who has dumped on the LBS and said so many hurtful things and who acts so much like an alien. Still caring about your W and loving the mother of your S tells me you are a good, no great, person who is trying to do the right thing. So why do you want to try to pretend like you're done so quickly. I know the pain is intense, but can it get worse? I guess it can last longer, but the intensity of the pain does diminish if you'll let it. It's obviously your choice, but something tells me you will feel differently about being done (and sooner rather than later).

Do take a week off. Try not to think about it. I suspect you will actually think about your R/M/W and sitch a lot despite your claims of being done. It ain't that easy to wash your hands of it. So rather than deny those feelings, decide what you REALLY want and then go for it.

Your friend,
Nomo

[Nomopo]

Hello WC. You are quite a character. I can honestly say I haven't run into anyone else on these Boards yet quite like you. A few things:

First, the "5 the hard way" sounds like it is meant for a business negotiation as opposed to a failing M. I haven't read it, but that's my guess.

I could be wrong, but I definitely think she was coming on to me. Nice.

You're probably right.

and a prominent male voice that I can only assume was OM.

Or, you could stop assuming since you really don't know and always assume the worst. Just a thought, but if you prefer to torture yourself, have at it.

W could not get off the phone fast enough (from guilt or indifference is anyone's guess).

Yep, once again you can't know but knock yourself out assuming the worst. (Maybe she was in the can. )

This was my one and only "shot" tonight, but I really meant it: Rather than saying goodnight or bye, as has been my custom, I very clearly said the word "Goodbye". No malice or anything, just my way of saying it's truly over.

So, anyway, she loves OM. Big deal.

Her car is still on the verge of collapse, her creditors are now calling 3 times a day, virtually all of her "friends" have abandoned her, and now the father of her child would be much, much happier if he never had to hear from her again. Good going, W. And good luck.

Don't take this the wrong way (it really is meant to help), but you don't sound like someone who is done. You sound like someone who is hurting (I'm sorry, and we all know how oyu feel, really), and like someone who wants to convince us (or, really, yourself), that he is done. Why is that? What's wrong with trying? You know you still care about and love her. You've said as much previously (even after telling us you're done). And you know what? I respect that about you. It takes a big man to still love someone like a WAS who has dumped on the LBS and said so many hurtful things and who acts so much like an alien. Still caring about your W and loving the mother of your S tells me you are a good, no great, person who is trying to do the right thing. So why do you want to try to pretend like you're done so quickly? I know the pain is intense, but can it get worse? I guess it can last longer, but the intensity of the pain does diminish if you'll let it. It's obviously your choice, but something tells me you will feel differently about being done (and sooner rather than later).

Do take a week off. Try not to think about it. I suspect you will actually think about your R/M/W and sitch a lot despite your claims of being done. It ain't that easy to wash your hands of it. So rather than deny those feelings, decide what you REALLY want and then go for it.

Your friend,
Nomo

[BeingMe]

Yeah, you do sound too angry to be really done, but that's just an assumption on my part, by how you expressed yourself. I guess, even when we say we're done (and I said it a few times meself), it truly isn't until the judge says it's so, and then give it a few months after that. IMO, anyway!

Ye take care yeself then, okay!