Reality...Bite Me

[Dom R]

awww... we can cry in unison...
my wife decided to share with me, a recent picture of her and our children, at a wedding. as an afterthought, along with some pictures of our children she was promising to send me.
She HATES pictures... usually avoids em, and so it's been so difficult for me to get a good picture of her.
I'm astounded she actually shared it with me.

This... is a fantastic one of her. the picture I've been trying to take of her for 10 years. it's on my desk now... SIGHHHHH.....

I took the opportunity to tell her she looked beautiful.
She never believes me when I give her a physical compliment. but I really meant it today.


Pictures of H: keep em out, or hide em?

[unbroken]

That's sweet DR.

Pictures of H: keep em out, or hide em?

Um, I have chosen to take all of them down. It's just weird for me, that person in those pictures is no longer. He doesn't even look the same now. I can't even see the same face anymore. Plus, pictures just hold a different meaning for me now. I was always the one behind the camera, trying to catch family moments and such. H never would take pictures of me and/or D10. Then, when he met OW, I saw pictures of her on his phone and his MySpace page. He clearly liked to take pictures of her, but not me. Looking back, I really don't think he ever liked me. He never smiled. He always had this gloomy look on this face, even in most of our pictures. Ugh.

Sorry I went down that sad road. I think if you can look at your beautiful wife in a picture and have good memories, then by all means keep it out! I'd say that's pretty romantic.

UB
UB

[HalfMissing]

I took all the pictures of my H down. I couldn't stand to see them anymore.

H used to have a million pictures of me on his desk. Now they are all of his OW. He has a pic of her as his background on his phone too. Sigh.

[Dom R]

Looking back, I really don't think he ever liked me. He never smiled. He always had this gloomy look on this face, even in most of our pictures. Ugh.

oh, yikes. I'm so sorry.

Dont go on the "he never liked me" road, though. He married you, for goodness sake. Unless you had an "arranged marriage" or something, maybe you should try to think back and recapture in your memory, why you believe he married you

[HalfMissing]

UB, these men rarely smiled, period. Don't assume that they didn't love us. I know for a fact that he must have loved me at some point or he would never have done some of the things he did in the past. My H used to write little notes with a picture of this little smiling rabbit on them because he knew I loved rabbits. H must have loved me to do something like that all those years.

They just changed. They loved us as much as they were capable of doing.

[unbroken]

Ok, so H used to write me these beautiful poems and letters. I found them a couple of weeks ago...they were so hard to read...so hard to understand where that went. Well, I understand feelings come and go, H just wasn't commited to M. He didn't want to try and get those feelings back. He didn't realize M was work. He didn't realize in all R, we have to work on keeping feelings alive. He said he felt like he already worked and couldn't do it anymore. How ironic that he just couldn't do it anymore when OW came in his life. I wanted so badly to hear him admit that he allowed OW to cloud his decision, in so many words, he did admit this, but it didn't make me feel any better because he wasn't going to do anything to change it.

HM, I do believe that they are not capable of the love we deserve right now. I guess I still hope he could be capable in the future, but there's really no signs that I should have any reason to still hope for this.

UB

[Dom R]

stealth threadjack for a sad griping moment... suck day for me.
Been fighting wife over child support OSC she filed, lately.
she doesnt *need* the money. she's living with her parents. I think she's doing it for 2 reasons:

#1. she just wants more "Play money" for herself. she doesnt truely *need* the money.

as for the second... she admitted that she's "considering" finalizing our divorce, when I asked her. Which from ms. evasion, is about equivalent to saying, "yeah, I expect to jettison you as soon as we can get through the remaining steps, while pretending I'm not really doing it".
So, getting CS settled, is just one step on the road to getting it done.
Only thing really remaining, is division of assets: furniture and home.

She's probably aiming for around september. or maybe late august. Which would fit her M.O. up until now: end of august, is our 10th wedding anniversary. She'd probably really like to reveal it on that day. after all, she filed for divorce over my birthday last year, and filed for the CS OSC, just before my birthday weekend THIS year.


sigh.
selfish woman. Primary reason we cant reconcile: she wont give up online roleplaying games and dating thereof.
So our children suffer a broken home for the rest of their lives

[unbroken]

after all, she filed for divorce over my birthday last year, and filed for the CS OSC, just before my birthday weekend THIS year.

I heard somewhere that people make life changing decisions on important dates. That's when they freak out the most. Not that I'm diminishing what you have gone through, I just think it's just human nature, maybe it's not so much about her being selfish. I found out about H and his "feelings" for OW a week after Valentines Day and he left a week after his 30th birthday. I'm sure others here have similar sitch, especially dealing with MLCers.

So our children suffer a broken home for the rest of their lives

The home is what you make of it. Don't let what your wife has done change what you can do for your children. It took me a long time to stop feeling guilty and blaming H for the sitch he has put D10 in. I will probably always have bits of resentment that pop up now and again, but I try to remember that kids have issues with their parents no matter what/together or not. I grew up in a seemingly good family; parents still married, 3 siblings. My parents got involved with a lot of stuff, the whole town knew my family. As I've gotten older, I resent my mother, I don't even have a relationship with her and my father tried to commit suicide. No family is ever perfect, no individual is ever perfect...all we can do is show our children how much we love them, keep learning how we can be the best parent/person we can be and accept that we are not perfect.

I'm sorry you had a bad day, I hope things get better for you.
UB

[HalfMissing]

I can't give my children the traditional family I wanted to give them, but at least I have given them a home of peace. I never had this as a child. One thing I am happy about is that I know H and I will never try to turn the children against the other parent. As much as I hate what my H has done, he is just not that kind of person. I think we will always be able to parent separately but with the childrens' best interests at heart.

Yesterday I asked the childrens' doctor for a referral for them to see a counselor. I think they both could use someone independent to talk to at this point even though overall they seem to be doing well.

Dom R, maybe your wife is interacting with my H online. Wouldn't that be pathetic? I keep wanting to scream "You are throwing away your family for a GAME!"

My H announced he could not work on the marriage and needed to leave shortly before Valentine's Day. My goal this year is to get flowers for Valentine's Day, even if I have to buy them myself. I remember what H said on our first Valentine's Day together, 23 years ago. I said it was ok that he didn't get me anything because it was easy to forget. He said "I didn't forget. I just didn't get you anything." Lovely! Way to win a woman's heart!

[Dom R]

fyi: wife signed support agreement I drafted this morning.

so thats one thing out of the way.
Next will be furniture.

After that, i get to wait in limbo for a few months, to see if it was a ploy to "peacefully" get that stuff peacefully agreed on, before sneak attacking me with a push for "final decree/dissolution".

Odds are highly favouring that outcome, at the moment.