Settled in with the new apartment (still LOVE it). Pretty busy last couple of weeks (work, travel, parenting, friends), so haven't had much time on the board.
S16 moved to his dad's new place this week. He's excited, I'm happy for him but I'm still cranky about the 30 mile commute.
Have had very little contact with H since I moved out. A few phone calls, mostly household business stuff, though once in a while he'll say he misses me. But it always feels like it's coming from self-pity, which turns me off. Notably, I don't return the sentiment. He notices. More self-pity.
I did invite him over for dinner last weekend to find out in more detail where his head is at (I'm not much of a phone talker, prefer F2F) He asked to borrow my copy of "Daring to Connect" a few weeks back and I wanted to discuss it with him. He accepted the invite enthusiastically, even brought me flowers and wine, a real 180 for him and a total surprise for me. I felt bad that he went to that much trouble.
Pleasant dinner, nice chatting with him, gained a little bit of insight, drank some wine. Ended up in bed.
So..... Obviously the physical chemistry is still there, but afterwards it didn't feel good at all. It was purely physical, felt sleazy, like I was using him. Plus, it seemed to mean more to him than it did to me, which wasn't fair to him. I don't want that to happen again, but we're both pretty weak in that respect with each other, unfortunately. Next time, we'll have to meet in a public place.
Again, we're two hungry needy people glomming on to each other...Sometimes I wonder if the physical attraction part will EVER go away...from reading some of the posts on this board, I'm thinking "probably not"
But we need more than sexual attraction to save our M.
I love having my own space. I don't need to be with or talk to him everyday (just like any friend - we connect whenever time/circumstances permit). I don't feel married and at this point I don't miss it.
(I do miss the physical affection though, including hugs and cuddling - but that's pretty universal on this board. It is getting hard to see other couples holding hands, kissing, etc. So I'm in that stage right now, scrubbing floors, rearranging furniture, thinking about getting a pet...)
