Separated from WAW

[dlt1]

So being back at home sux w/out W. Thought it would be nice to be back in the comforts of hokme. But, it is so quiet and lonely. I went into fix it overdrive just to keep busy. Replaced porch lights (bought in March), fixed a light switch, mowed lawn, scrubbed shower, cleaned 2 toilets. Guess it will go one of two ways:
1. W will appreciate the effort. but be skeptical it's perm change
2. Just think I'm doing what I think appeases her.
My thought is it was nice to get some things done while home. I've always disliked mowing, but realized today it gave me time to think clearly w/out distraction. Damn near cried while mowing as I reviewed and thought about things. With the sweat dripping (humidity has finally returned to unbearable) felt like the tears were rolling anyway!
Read the Controlled Separation book our C suggested I get for W. Very interesting. I don't think W has touched it, but will i9mpress on her that it will help. I feel slightly more confident asking her things like this b/c she is going to C, so I see a small effort to work on M even though I see her sadness still that she does not believe we can find our way back.
Anxious about tomorrow, not sure if I will be here when she gets back. I have a few things to take care of b4 I haed back to my "vacation home." We have a tentative date, but who knows when, where or if at this point.
Oh, W is visiting friend whose H is out of town (W and that H are very close friends, and now she is W's closest girl friend). Anyway, friend was in similar sitch and almost left her H. No idea if he even knew, it was early in our R, so I did not know then very well at the time. I hope this helps W see that things and feelings can change. Would like to ask W about it, but not sure how, or if good idea?? When she visited 2 weeks ago, day b4 I moved out, I asked what they had to say. She said Friend understood b/c she was there b4. I guess it's not worth supposing since I don;t know and can't control it.
A little levity and insight:
I feel like DB'ing is similar to my stellar soccer career. 4 years JV in high school. I knew exactly how to play, often practiced well, guarding our star player as a freshman the year he was voted best player in state, I could shut him down every time. But, game time I threw all knowledge out the window, played from my feet not my head. Hence - 4 years JV. I seem to sit back and know how to proceed with W. Then doubt it all at go time. I need a whisper mic and earpiece with a van full of suits reading me DR passages while I'm on my date.
I have to go to Home Depot (which I can't stand) b/c one of my porchlights did not coime with a top. I have the worst experiences there. I am going to Act As If they are smart and willing to help. Let's see if Michelle's solutions work at Lucifer's Orange Box Store!