So much for my dignity!!! H just came by out of the blue. I was not prepared to see him! He asked why I seemed mad at him. I told him I was tired of feeling like a fool and why couldn't he just tell me his FF was something more. I confessed everything I knew about their relationship and how sad it made me feel that I couldn't trust him. He still denies anything was going on until the last 2 weeks; they were "just friends". I don't believe him. He just accused me of not wanting to blame myself for our failed marriage; I would rather blame another person. Maybe he is right.
I told him up until today I truly hoped he would change his mind. Now I know he won't. GUess I need a 2x4!!!!!!!!!!!!
He just accused me of not wanting to blame myself for our failed marriage; I would rather blame another person.
Mattie, Mattie,Mattie
Blame others? What has he done to "fix" the problem? Move out? You were probably like the rest of us part of the problem. But unlike our spouses, we came here, we went for counseling, we have bought books to try to "Fix" the problem our spouses just went to the OP. I still have a hard time understanding why I am the one doing the time when they are the one that did the crime. ( Pretty good huh) seriously In the beginning god created no wait that is another story, I the beginning of my sitch I told my wife I did not want her to call the OM she told me She will do what she wants. But.....IF I CALLED AND TALKED TO HIM "IT'S OVER". Ok let me get this strength. It’s not ok for me to tell her who she can talk to but it's ok for her to tell me who I can talk to? Mattie Sometimes I don't think they are really "Lying" I think they have "Self Talked" them selves in to believing what they are saying.
Husband
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
I think in all failed marriages that both parties are at fault...one way or another....whether it was one not paying attention to the other or infidelity or just plain lost interest in each other...physically, sexually, whatever. So for H to make that comment was not really warranted.
Things to do since you have been holding out a better outcome out of all this mess? Just make sure that family is first. Let him do what he wants to do. Next, do what is in best interest for you. You matter....the kids matter....and lastly, in this case.....H matters....if he comes back.
The shopping list of things, for a majority of them, have already been taken care of by YOU....not H. Obviously he thinks that you will take care of everything while he lives his OTHER life. Time for you to start SHOWING him that enough is enough......you want to play hardball....you want to know why I wasn't at the house (what does he really care, he's not part of the home anymore is he?).....then paperwork is in need.
List questions to be asked to the lawyer....list your wants, YOUR needs...and most importantly, that the kids are taken care of...medically. He covers all costs for this D and he will be the one listed as leaving the marriage, NOT YOU. You simply are doing what he is not man enough to do.
It sounds like H is still able to influence your day. This must be incredibly frustrating. I hope you are able to find some way to be in control of your own outlook.
Thanks everyone. I have out of town friends coming for the week and am busy cleaning and planning our activities. I told my friend no mention of H (she knows the WHOLE story!).....although D16 asked him if he'd take us all out on the boat one day and he agreed.
I do need to take back control of my own outlook! (Thank you, Slowly!) I'll start TODAY!
