love the pma, that is a good thing. alright when she moves her stuff it is going to be a shock, and you may not agree with everything that she does take, but remember they are just objects. you can always replace objects.
at first if she takes something special to you or what not, trust me you will be amazed how quickly you do without it. its a good time to clean up the material items in your life that are security blankets.
plus i'm now to a point where i have arranged some things and put things where i like them. it is rather nice.
I would suggest openly telling your w that you have determined that it is impossible to keep the house without her contribution and that if she can't contribute X amt to the mortgage pmt, then you're going to have to sell it.
You should do all you can to avoid foreclosure. Maybe contact your lender and tell them you're facing some temporary financial difficulties and see if there is any way to do a workout?
I would definitely contact a realtor to get an idea about what you can get for the house. It may be more than you expect.
new attitude.....it is a catch 22 situation. If I leave things as they are I am doomed. If I go to sell it may take quite some time, there are about 30 houses for sale in my 10 block area. What I would really like to do is get her to sign off, and attempt to refinance, and roll my cc debt up into it, then I could go it alone.
The catch 22 is, I cannot pull a refiy without her sig as it stands. She will not sign that for sure. Yet to go it alone, I will have to get her to sign off, and probably become legally seperated....... not good for DBing.
I really want from her is to help with mortgage until sold, or sign off. Am I being unreasonable???
your not being unreasonable, this has to be dealt with. handle it just like a divorce talk.
i don't want this, i don't want your money, but we have to take care of this problem. i would avoid saying reactionary things like, well your name is on the mortgage as well.
turn it into a team building exercise. tell her the problem, ask for her advice, work on a solution together. it may just be the catalyst that you two need.
"tell her the problem, ask for her advice, work on a solution together"
ohhhh. good advice. Thanks. I am sure it will serve my purpose better to not put this as some sort of ultimatum. Diplomicy, nice guy attitude might go far. Sell the idea as to how she may benifit too? hmmmmmmmmm
Thanks atlas more pondering ahead......
Not tonight though am playing a little online poker ....(she hated when I did that.....but oh well she aint here to gripe about it! ha!!)
Well, she just came and picked up our girl like 1/2 hour ago. She seemed to be in an ok mood. She presented me with her list of things for the pillaging to come. I folded it in half and set it on the counter. She was like, "aren't you going to look at it?" I told her that I would, and get back to her on Weds when she drops off daughter. I think she maybe wanted to debate it today, but I mighta threw her for a curve by not biting.
The list was not nearly as bad as I feared. To be honest, there is not 1 thing on it that I object to. The only thing that I want to add to it is, that she bring me the card table and chairs that is at her sisters, so I have someplace to sit and the garage door remote. I think that is not unreasonable.
I would also like to get her to commit to a specific time for the pilliage. Is that fair?
I want to ask her not to completely trash the place as she moves her stuff out. Is that fair?
Do you guys think I should prep the things on the list? Say have it all in a pile ready for her to take it, or let her do all this work on her own? She already did inform me that she plans to have some help, (brother in laws, sister) and also plans on doing it while I am work.
Also after she claims all of "her" stuff, do you guys think that I should request her house key back? change the locks? Or just leave it be??
Dont get me wrong, I am not really happy about this. I definatly think that it is a step in the wrong direction, making a reconcilliation less likely. But I am keeping my chin up. Not going to get all ballistic or depressed about this.
I still plan to keep my legal appointment on Weds. Get some feedback. I will work through this in the next couple of weeks, then deal with the legal/financial aspects of this house.....
This afternoon, I think I might go to a demo derby that will happen just up the street from here. Make the best of this day.....
That was a pretty smooth move on not looking at the list in front of her. I bet that had her scratching her head.
I think it is very reasonable to ask her to commit to a certain time for the "pillage". As for asking her not to trash the place, you would think that she would be considerate enough not to do that, but if you need to mention something like that to her, just be careful of your tone and how you present that to her. If she feels like you are being condiscending to her, it will probably pi$$ her off and she will end up trashing the place any way. So, be careful w/ that or don't mention it at all.
I think it is good that you are going to deal with the house/mortgage issue head on. She has to know that her name is on that house and that it is difficult for you to pay for it alone. It's not unreasonable at all to present this problem to her and have her help you come up with a solution. I'm glad you are going to do that.
I don't think you necessarily need to get "her" stuff ready for her to move unless you want to. If there is a bunch of her stuff that is in the way and you want to start making a pile of it, you can, but don't go out of your way getting things ready.
I don't think you should do anything about the key or the locks right now, unless you don't trust her for some reason. It may come in handy for her to have a key-- say you are out of town or at work and your D has left something at your house. W can easily still get in to get whatever it is, etc. Plus, you don't want to make the break w/ your W that clean yet, do you?
Sounds like you are making it a fun day for yourself!
Kat I agree with you about the locks. I will leave it alone, if a time does come that I feel I am being ummmm for lack of a better word, violated.... then maybe.
I do not think that I am going to prep anything for her, I will ask her to commit to a certain time though. Two things that I am going to do, to CMA, is to keep the list that she gave me, and before she does come to get "her" stuff. I am going to go around this complete house and take a whole disposable camera full of pictures.
What is the old saying? Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. That is kinda where I am. I am hoping that some day she will come around.....perhaps moving away from her sisters house isnt such a bad thing in away. On the nights that she does not have our child she will get a real taste of what it is like being alone ....like I have been.
I am going to bed, and hopefully dream of a lottery win.....
