w called 3 times today. kept going out of her way to say she wanted to come see s. thought it was an excuse to come see me and it might have been. she asked that i call once he was up from his nap and she would come over.
at 5 i called. she apoligized she couldn't come over to see him because her dinner date was back on. i know it is no big deal, as long as it is rick, crap a though kill it, but for some reason it still sucks. mainly because i know she won't let me show her a good time. i want to take her out soooo bad.
so s and i hit a bbq with other divorcee's, felt dumb as hell. everyone is ther with their kids, almost everyone there is single, and i'm disgusted. everyone is basically toasting to their d's, so happy they are free, blah blah blah. didn't show how i felt, there are a few d's there i totally agree with, but defiently not all. guess i'm becoming ol fashioned.
well w said on the phone that she wants to do something family oriented tomorrow. i don't know if i'm reading into it more than i should, but god i love it. s has such a good time when we are together, and i love seeing her, spending time with her, and just seeing her. we usually catch each other glancing and smile, it is so nice.
at this point, i just hope she is alright. i can't give up but right now i feel like an over stuffed idiot with emotions. i'm so sad about her leaving, i pissed about it and angry. i'm feeling detached, lost and ready to move on. the mind is in a new spot every few minuts. the only constant is my care for her. i hope she is alright, i wish i could be her alright, but she just needs that more than anything, even if it isn't me.
