Why do these things happen Vlll

[sadhearted]

Yeah I saw my H cry beginning of this week but that is because of his grandma.


See I was told if my H were to cry or make a positive comment then it would show he's confused and he doesn't know what he wants. And at this point it's too soon for him to admit that just maybe he made a mistake. Or maybe he's not ready to admit it so says the negative things and acts like he could care less. But it's just a front because he can't let me know how he's really feeling. I don't know if all WAS's are like this. This came from my SIL who is seperated (her choice).

Example being: Early on my H compared our relationship to part of Charlie Brown where a girl is holding a football he runs at it to kick and she drops the ball. This happens a few times. Finally Charlie says he isn't going to do it anymore because she won't hold the ball. She convinces him she will so he goes running again but she drops it again. He told me he wasn't ready to kick the ball much less run at it. The same night he told me this he told my SIL he wanted to kick the ball.

Now this was over a month ago so who knows how he feels now but you get what I'm trying to say (I hope).


I'd offer you tissues but I don't have any. I'm having to use toilet paper or paper towels....

[789]

So you are saying is no emotion could actually mean a good thing?
I guess it could, if she showed anger all the time that would be bad, if she showed to many things positive it would show me she is not sure or confused. So no emotion keeps her feeling safe in a way?

[sadhearted]

Well that's what I'm told. I like you though tend to worry because it seems like he could care less. But I mean if you think about it we don't really KNOW what they're thinking or feeling. For all we know they could be crying in the shower or when they're alone in bed at night. So I've been told not to take his indifference to heart. It's him putting on a front for me. Just like we are told to be upbeat and happy whenever we're around them.

And yes probably them coming across as indifferent is a safe zone for them. Just sucks to see.

[789]

I hope you are right, that does make me feel better to a degree. For some reason I thought I read or was told that indifference or no emotion was a bad thing.

[sadhearted]

Yeah I think I've seen that before.

I'm just going be what my SIL said. Her being the one that kicked her H out is on the same side of WAS. She said even if she is feeling positive or thinking just maybe she'd never let him know because he'd jump all over it as a sign she's ready to take him back and when that doesn't happen then he'd just get mad and want to know why she was being nice.

This is our 2nd seperation and about #5 that he's left the house. All of the last 4 times he's come back. Our MC asked me when he started acting up again if it felt the same as the last times. At the time I said yeah. Of course then he hadn't gone out and leased an apartment. My stepfather asked me once why I think this time is any different then the others. I really don't know that is it. It just seems more final because he has his own place. But on the flip side of that he couldn't go to his parents house this time because he stopped talking to them a coulple years ago...

[789]

So it is your SIL who says that, well if she is the WAS I guess maybe she knows. I have usually rather seen her happy or angry with me since this all happened. She is right, when things seem good I would wonder why not progressing and her pull back. When angry she does about the same thing but usually ends up calling me more than I call her. This indifference is just a killer, but if it is a thought process to keep us from getting mad or trying to get to cozy with them I guess that makes sense. Just hope she is right.

[sadhearted]

You and me both!

I have yet to see my H happy or angry. He's still like he was when he left. Sad, miserable and saying life sucks. No change. So I have to ask myself what is he thinking? He hasn't gotten "better" since he left so why can't he try to get over this and give us another shot. I'm being told he needs more time. He'll be back. Again I sure hope she's right.

[789]

I cannot say I have seen her happier at all since we split. I have seen her look depressed at times but I do not know the reason behind it. Ugh, just wish I knew anything at all.
Slowly all my supportive friends have some what questioned if she will ever come back, not in a bad way, think mainly concerned for me.

[sadhearted]

Yeah I know. It'd be nice to have some kind of sign or comment thrown out. Limbo is no fun.

So far I haven't had anyone question that. I have heard I may decide one day I'm done. Um okay...

[789]

Part of me would like to say I decide, but my heart is still fully with her, and I decide to keep holding out some hope.
She did go see her Dr. this morning in LA, he hasn't changed her medication in a couple years. I am hoping he changed it today, might change her mindset after it gets into the system. I have had the thought she has been on the same one to long and that may be affecting her in some way.