I can relate...I was very high drive when H pulled the plug and left in the middle of the night...he didn't return for about a year and a half (but who was counting?)...I thought I would go nuts the first few weeks, months...I even asked him if he ever missed "it" (OW lived in another state)...he said with the most disgusted look on his face "No"...
He did eventually start giving me hugs because I had told him that I was dying for touch of any kind...he let me know it did nothing for him but he would "ablidge" me (gee thanks)...I got greedy and asked for a kiss and he again got that disgusted look and gave me a sharp "No"...
But like others said...you need to stay busy...go to bed dead tired...GAL...occupy your mind with other things...and if it gets really bad a hot bath worked for me (sometimes)...
It was tough but I did it...I didn't think I could...I really thought I would fold, get divorced, and remarry...even had someone lined up...but I soon realized that I was thinking all physical and it wouldn't have been as fulfilling as I was used to...and as I needed...
I hope you can do what you need to and make it through this...
Aw come on, you girls have it easy...think about all the women before they invented the C sized batteries LOL just kidding.
Well for me its been over a year and my STBXW is not coming back, the writing's on the wall but its not like I could go to the store and come back with a replacement woman. Putting yourself out there is a lot more difficult these days especially if you don't want your pics posted all over the web. So for me I'm just sitting patiently...hoping one day a beautiful woman will knock at the door and tell me "I want you now!" LOL...yes I know wishful thinking.
Me: 32|W: 34|D: 3yo 1st bomb: Feb 2006 (left one day, came back a week later) 2nd bomb: Aug 2006 (moved out, ILYBNILWY) 3rd bomb: Apr 2007 (filed for divorce) 4th bomb: <her finger on the launch button>
thank god for costco, right stupid romeo? lol. okay, probably not a lot of you watched coupling, but oh so funny.
I can't even begin to think about how on earth you go about finding someone at this age. used to be so easy, didn't it? school/work/age when almost everyone is single. everyone I know now is married, most of the people I know are sahms. not exactly a hot bed of resources for available men now, is it.
not that I'm looking. but for the future, if what the writing on the wall is telling me comes true, well, I will have to be out there. Just hope if/when the time comes, I'll face it and find the fun in it.
imLIN, it sucks because my h's ow is right here, so he gets all the touch he needs. although he did recently give me the worlds best hug. not long after I started db'g, in fact, I think it was a couple of weeks ago. I didn't ask for it, and I wasn't being pathetic or needy, he just did it, and I let him. and oh my, it was a good hug...hand in hair kind of hug. I love that. but no more than that, hasn't been for a while, not since I found out he was still talking to her.
will try to keep busy. ice cream tends to deaden the pain some, but too much and well, don't really want to go that route, either. guess I'll try floor scrubbing. lol.
and kim, I did understand what you meant. just me musing. its a topic I think a lot about. actually glad to see I'm not alone.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
It's funny how all of our experiences which are so very different have the same stages. hugs, touch, and oh yes sex with my H occupy my dreams (day and night) even knowing he has a OW. In some ways it makes me sick to think I even still want him with everything that has been happening. With him in the house it is so hard not to just touch yet I fear if I even touched his hand I would get a disgusted look or he would be repulsed. And I look better than I have in years - down 35 lbs and still going -- at least I feel good about myself for that accomplishment! It is so hard though not to have pysical contact and right now another man wouldn't ease this feeling. Hugs from DD give me comfort as at least I know someone loves me unconditionally.
Wait *buys Costco stocks" - right...DB ladies costco has a sale on all sorts of batteries this weekend!
Really though, if all you need is a guy its so easy for a woman; just ask any guy walking down the road and chances are you won't be going home alone.
Now try being a guy for a day. You should see what the ladies do to me when I ask if they want to take a lost pup home...then I tell them pup is my nickname.
Me: 32|W: 34|D: 3yo 1st bomb: Feb 2006 (left one day, came back a week later) 2nd bomb: Aug 2006 (moved out, ILYBNILWY) 3rd bomb: Apr 2007 (filed for divorce) 4th bomb: <her finger on the launch button>
you should feel good, irish! that is amazing...good for you! he is probably eating his heart out at how good you look. and you are right, the love from my children is amazing, and the hugs and kisses, too. not the same, of course, but something to cherish all the same.
when H was still in the house, it was sooo much harder, because here was this man that was MINE just a short time ago, to do with pretty much as I liked, at least in bed. I had sex whenever, it was almost always available, and as such, I didn't think nearly as much about it. now I think waaaay too much about it.
I have to say, after the bomb when we did have sex (and we did) I could NOT think about him with ow. not at all. I have from time to time imagined it, but have learned to block it out, because trust me, it does me no good on any level. in makes me sick, actually. its hard to block, but I do it and I just stop. thankfully I am secure in myself in this area...I know he likes me in bed and loves how I am sexually. obviously its not enough to change anything...there is so much more going on here. even H said it. its not about sex.
of course, if its not about sex, then why am I the only one in our M not getting any?
sigh.
okay, off to scrub a floor.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
Really though, if all you need is a guy its so easy for a woman; just ask any guy walking down the road and chances are you won't be going home alone.
sure, a quick lay is easy for most women. if I wanted it, I could have it. but honestly, its not really what I want. what's hard is finding/having what you want.
M-41 H-38 M-10 years, T-14 years Bomb-PA 3/19/07 Separated-6/7/07 Piecing/h back home 5/08 S-6 S-4 D-4
"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, 'I'll try again tomorrow.'"
I have the same problem and I thought it was weird for me to feel this way especially for a guy. Even after over a year that we've been separated I still can't bring myself to accept that she's (or will be) sleeping with another guy. It makes me sick so I try to block it out but I know one day I'll have to face the other men she'll be with...I'm really not that strong in this area so I'll have to handcuff myself when I come face to face with these men.
Having said that I don't know if she has anyone or not but she's very good looking so it'd be hard to think that some a-holes haven't already taken advantage of her by now. Dammit, I was doing ok just making jokes now I have to go scrub the floors too...thanks a lot Morgan! lol
Me: 32|W: 34|D: 3yo 1st bomb: Feb 2006 (left one day, came back a week later) 2nd bomb: Aug 2006 (moved out, ILYBNILWY) 3rd bomb: Apr 2007 (filed for divorce) 4th bomb: <her finger on the launch button>
