Not so fast!

[indybyathread]

Felt miserable this morning and afternoon. I made myself get on my bike and ride to a state park a few miles away. I took my journal and my camera. I found a nice downed tree and sat and communed with nature for a time. I wrote in my journal, skipped a few rocks, took a few nature photos. Then I came home via the
drug store where I bought a card that said I was sorry for pressuring him last night. I said that I know that all he is interested in is friendship and that I don't want to do anything to make him feel less comfortable here than he already does.

Not sure which part of it spoke to him but he came in and gave me a kiss on the cheek after finding it in his room. I assume it was my putting in writing that I acknowledge that he only has the capacity for friendship. I said that I missed "us" but that I was working hard to get past it and be able to move on. I signed it, "Your friend, Me". This is tough stuff. I keep hoping that I will wake up and it will have all been one long, terrible dream. I know I'm just beginning this process and I probably shoud expect years of the same before things can get better. It is so hard to be patient.

Now its time to get ready for a family dinner and game night(he's cooking and offered for me to join him because he is making sushi for himself and the kids hate it) and try to redeem myself. See if I can get through tonight without blowing my DB principles. Prove that I am his friend more than anything else and I'm not all about making him feel guilty for his choices. It is so hard to stay on track when he's right there and he's being nice and you love him. But, I gotta dust myself off and get back on that horse, right?