Hey Kris! If I understand right, OW's can still be bandaid's even if they marry them especially if it is economic. YUCK! That would be a marriage made in heaven <gag>. Imagine living with someone only because of their money. You definitely are better off right now.
I have no idea what my H is doing. H refuses all contact even from DD and parents. DD sent him a "Happy Father's Day" email and he didn't respond. This would have been the perfect opening to reconnect with her and he dropped it. It is so sad but it is his choice, at least he is not making things worse on my end. He is just gone!
Sitting quietly doing nothing, the flowers bloom effortlessly.
bomb: Jan 25, 2006 not seen since DD moved in with H - 9/1/08 H filed for divorce - 11/2008 Divorce dismissed by courts - 4/2010 still nothing
Hey Kris! If I understand right, OW's can still be bandaid's even if they marry them especially if it is economic. YUCK! That would be a marriage made in heaven <gag>. Imagine living with someone only because of their money. You definitely are better off right now.
I have no idea what my H is doing. H refuses all contact even from DD and parents. DD sent him a "Happy Father's Day" email and he didn't respond. This would have been the perfect opening to reconnect with her and he dropped it. It is so sad but it is his choice, at least he is not making things worse on my end. He is just gone!
Sitting quietly doing nothing, the flowers bloom effortlessly.
bomb: Jan 25, 2006 not seen since DD moved in with H - 9/1/08 H filed for divorce - 11/2008 Divorce dismissed by courts - 4/2010 still nothing
I have been reading but not posting...just busy, working and driving DD around. She works until late and I haven't been going to bed till close to midnight only to get up at around 5:30 am to go to my work. I got really exhausted and consequencely, emotionally down. I tried to really vilify H and hate H. Finally, I snapped and I hope it came together. H is H. Not bad totally, not good totally. Just a very hurt person right now. I can deal with a hurt person (or not deal as in H's case <g>) and not a person who I really need (wanted but not needed) in my life. His bday is coming up and I want to send him a card. It just feels right. A generic card with just a message "wishing you well and hoping you find your happiness. Bkpusher". Should I add "The door is always open if you want to know anything"? (definitely different words - help!) or not?
It has been over 1 1/2 years since he left and, as everyone says, you go through a lot and eventually get to a place where you are ok. I haven't totally reach it but it is sight. Thinking back over our M. I can see lots of good trips, not as much laughter as I would have liked and a lot of distance where I should have spoken up and didn't such as the day my mother died in 2003. H took me to a concert that night. I don't remember him ever asking if I was up to a concert or how I was doing. He just went and took me. I remember sitting there thinking "my mother's dead, should I be here but what would I be doing at home. It is ok to be here". Dumb! I should have been with my dad or anywhere else. I don't think H knew how to deal with someone else's pain and he sure doesn't know how to deal with his own or he wouldn't have run. He wasn't all ignore. When I called and told him my mom died and that I would pick up DD, he said he would pick her up! I was doing my usual "I can handle everything" and he did step up. So he isn't all bad, but not all good, like all of us and I will have ups and downs but be all right.
Sitting quietly doing nothing, the flowers bloom effortlessly.
bomb: Jan 25, 2006 not seen since DD moved in with H - 9/1/08 H filed for divorce - 11/2008 Divorce dismissed by courts - 4/2010 still nothing
H's bday is coming up. I would like to send a card. This would be the first contact since Father's Day. The card would be generic but I am thinking of saying this on the inside:
I can't say I understand why you don't want anything to do with myself or DD, especially DD, but I do wish you happiness and hope everything is going well. Have a wonderful bday.
Too much guilt? should I just say HB and leave it go at that?
Sitting quietly doing nothing, the flowers bloom effortlessly.
bomb: Jan 25, 2006 not seen since DD moved in with H - 9/1/08 H filed for divorce - 11/2008 Divorce dismissed by courts - 4/2010 still nothing
Thinking of you on your birthday. Have a nice day............
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
It sounded so much better in my head but just looking at the words I can see how it read different. You are right - just "Happy Birthday - thinking of you". (wonder if he will ever talk to me again)
Sitting quietly doing nothing, the flowers bloom effortlessly.
bomb: Jan 25, 2006 not seen since DD moved in with H - 9/1/08 H filed for divorce - 11/2008 Divorce dismissed by courts - 4/2010 still nothing
Mickey, last year I ignored his birthday. He retaliated by ignoring mine. Very childish, I know. My bday is at Mother's Day and the card just said "Happy Mother's Day" when it had said both the previous year. Guess it just gives me an example of his mindset. So why do I want to even consider sending it?? Not sure, more of a "nyah, nyah..I'm a better person than you" LOL
Sitting quietly doing nothing, the flowers bloom effortlessly.
bomb: Jan 25, 2006 not seen since DD moved in with H - 9/1/08 H filed for divorce - 11/2008 Divorce dismissed by courts - 4/2010 still nothing
That last post seemed very childish. I am struggling with something and I am not sure what. Does that make sense? H is very much no contact. I want to do something that makes him contact me - good or bad, temper tantrum or guilt producing. This is not right and I know it but I feel like he is gone, I miss him and may never talk to him again. It seems like everyone else here has some contact. Nothing from him since Mother's Day. <sigh>
I have been thinking over my M and what the scenes that always stuck in my head. These are ones that I should have handled differently. Maybe writing them down will erase them.
*time not long after M, I just planted tomatoes. H and best friend are walking past them. BF says "BP do you know what those tomatoes are for?". I say "sauces, pastes". He turns to H and says "She does know!". What am I an idiot???? I think and feel put on the spot.
I should have said "Yes, I do know. Why do you feel I am not intelligent enough to know?"
*Redoing kitchen. Everything needs to come out..sink, carpet (yes, we bought house with carpet in kitchen), etc. H decides to go to work and I end up doing it all by myself. I am proud that I can do the heavy stuff but....
I should have said "H, when can you take off so WE can do the job"
*H throws party and takes tons of pictures (summer before he left). I am in none except when it is a group picture and he couldn't avoid me. Tons of other pics of the other women there. I said nothing.
I should have said "I feel like you are avoiding taking pics of me, yet you are photoing all the other women there. Why?"
*I paint the ceiling of the kitchen and walls. H brings friend over and H's friend proceeds to criticize the job I did on the ceiling, H says nothing. It wasn't a bad job but you could see a few streaks when you looked closely, in the sunlight. I joked along with them but felt very hurt that H wasn't sticking up for me.
I should have said "I am feeling very critized here. Why are you feeling the need to tear down my work?"
I guess what I need to discover on this part of my journey, is that I am worth something. I shouldn't take criticism and just lie there or joke along. What I do is valuable, even if it not perfect. I always bought one of the least expensive meals if we went out and seldom bought new clothes for me, relying on bday money from dad for money for them. I don't want to be a mememeememe person but I want to discover a balance. When it is alright to buy new shoes or dress or treat myself to a cup of coffee at Starbucks. DD has to come first a lot but sometimes, it is ok to say "you will have to wait while I do this."
Sitting quietly doing nothing, the flowers bloom effortlessly.
bomb: Jan 25, 2006 not seen since DD moved in with H - 9/1/08 H filed for divorce - 11/2008 Divorce dismissed by courts - 4/2010 still nothing
