I think in all failed marriages that both parties are at fault...one way or another....whether it was one not paying attention to the other or infidelity or just plain lost interest in each other...physically, sexually, whatever. So for H to make that comment was not really warranted.
Things to do since you have been holding out a better outcome out of all this mess? Just make sure that family is first. Let him do what he wants to do. Next, do what is in best interest for you. You matter....the kids matter....and lastly, in this case.....H matters....if he comes back.
The shopping list of things, for a majority of them, have already been taken care of by YOU....not H. Obviously he thinks that you will take care of everything while he lives his OTHER life. Time for you to start SHOWING him that enough is enough......you want to play hardball....you want to know why I wasn't at the house (what does he really care, he's not part of the home anymore is he?).....then paperwork is in need.
List questions to be asked to the lawyer....list your wants, YOUR needs...and most importantly, that the kids are taken care of...medically. He covers all costs for this D and he will be the one listed as leaving the marriage, NOT YOU. You simply are doing what he is not man enough to do.
