I never said I didn't miss any of those things OR that I felt close to H either. I know you never said you didn’t miss those things and I do remember a little about you two touching each other
I guess I have just learned to separate a lot of my emotion/feelings :sigh: but hoping to get it back eventually I hope you can get back most of the things you miss.
Separating feelings and events. A difficult task sometimes often without a clear goal, but it has to be done occasionally.
"kissy-face", I sure do miss that A LOT!!! Yup.
In my case, some of Cemars list would be nice. Well 75% of it would.
What I had in mind was asking you, why some of the affections stopped? Why no sex for several years.
I know in my case, BB and I had 75% of Cemars list when we got M. The first child didn’t slow us down much. Not even the second child.
When we decided to build the house we are in, in 1974 then things changed a little. I had to work more, I also worked on the house as it was being built. BB didn't like out tempoary apaerment we lived in when we sold the old house to finance this house.
Once in this house, it took more money to keep everything going. New this, new that. We were spending too much money. BB was a SAHM.
I took on more part-time work. One of the bigger mistakes in general, in my life, and that led to some distance in the R.
shortly after we moved in, BB found religion partly because she bored. There were some personal issues introduced to the R from the church that caused more distance between BB and me.
The church activities cut into our personal time together and I added to my work load because I did things that needed to be done at/for the church, and I wanted to be like the other good church families and financially support the church so took on more paying jobs.
In 1981 there was a downturn in the economy. I worked as an auto mechanic for a car dealership which resulted in about a 20% drop in my commissioned based paycheck. I took a part time job at a used car lot to make up the difference and also repaired cars at home. I worked too much and developed back problems.
I had my back surgery. I tried other things before the surgery for 3 months, like hard surface/floor rest, worked in the parts dept and service writer. I slept on the floor because it was the only place I could get to sleep. Nothing worked. I had the surgery and was in the hospital for 10 days.
After surgery, I was off work for 26 weeks. No rides in the car for 12 weeks. Tried sex a couple of times before and after surgery and hurt all over for 2~3 days, spent another 2~3 days not feeling good. BB lost interest in the romantic/sex dept and switched to FIB instead of lover/wife. I didn't know that at the time.
In 1986, more back problems which led me to a career change and to college. I spent tons of time on homework. BB went back to nursing school, also with tons of home work. It was kind of sink or swim for both of us. One kid in high school, one in college with me.
When college/nursing school was over, we both worked 3rd shift on different days. BB worked at a psychiatric facility where they had a 28 day co-dependency program. She was the med nurse and did some work with the clients as a facilitator. That is when the attitude “men are pigs” started to appear.
Before 1981 I say we had sex 2X a week. BB said it was 2X a month. I often remember trying to get something going. I remember BB being tired most of the time and going to bed early. I stayed up late to work on cars, to pay bills and be a good church member. I don’t advise anyone over do it like I did.
After I healed well enough, after the back surgery, I tried to keep our frequency to 3X a month. BB didn’t resist at first, but as time went on, she resisted more and more.
About 5 years ago is when she told me she lost her sexual desire in 1981. She lost the desire to experience sexual gratification of any kind for herself.
Several years ago, I got used to the idea of gift sex. I gave as much to BB as I could in return for her gift to me, but eventually the gift sex turned into, lets get it over with, lets give it up for the summer, for other parts of the year, and lets give it up because she was feeling too old for that sort of thing.
In your case, I can see where some kind of “accident” going to college, changing careers might place one or both partners in a frame of mind that is best described as “busy now, maybe later” spoken or unspoken. Once in the OK i will let it slide, it goes on for too long.
Those are two issues (accident, studying/school) and I realize the As didn’t help. I wondered if and how those three things, and/or something else pushed you and Mr. HW out of the lover’s nest.
I can see how the events in our life pushed or caused BB to withdraw from our lovers nest.
Maybe there are some ideas for ST topics for you in your history with Mr. HW. FWIW.
