- he's right, he DOESN'T deserve you right now. His behavior is not the behavior of someone who is earning back your trust. He's still addicted to OW and she's still manipulating him. He may not get it until he loses you; so long as he gets to wallow in "gee, which one should I choose" land, he's not dealing with reality.
- second, I'll bet you dollars to donuts the appraiser was called by OW, or by your H. Can you contact the appraiser and find out? If it was OW who contacted him - she is trying to destroy your marriage. Get proof (phone records etc.) and maybe H will finally see who she is. If it was H - he may be trying to put something over on you, like refinancing and forging your name. I hate to think those things, but it has happened here. I think this is one situation that warrants some investigation. Go visit that appraiser and find out the real story, would you?
Take care of business, Nikki, and take care of yourself. I know you love the guy, and maybe he will return to himself eventually, but it seems clear that won't happen without some big reality check. And maybe, just maybe, he's telling the truth when he says he can't live up to you. Sometimes that's true - trying to be a better man has just gotten to be too much for them, and they want to sink back to their natural level - with skanky OW.
I think the 24 hour rule is a good idea. get out, takecareof yourself, and find out the real deal with this appraiser.
