You folks are nothing but class. No sarcasm, just pure love and respect. Thank you all so much for your efforts, thoughts, and spectacular advice.
Bottom line: You are all right, to one degree or another.
I am holding myself up as somekind of perfect ideal. I do, on some level, wish to punish her for her trespass and try to snap some sense into her. I do look down my nose at her.
To you all I say only this: My S is sick with the flu, and while I watch him my wife is out shtuping another guy with my full knowledge. This is somewhat hard for me to take, but I am trying my best.
As far as interactions go since my last post: She left a vm last nigh while the play she and OM were seeing was in intermission. I kept my S up until the time she had stated the play would be out, so she could speak to him for the Goodnight call. She did not answer, we left her a message (I was a perfect saint, honest injun), and I turned the ringer on my phone off so I could get S to sleep. She called and left a vm 30 minutes later stating that I should feel free to call her if there was anything we needed (I am sure you can imagine how I felt about that). No further contact last night.
This morning she called and spoke with S, I gave her the briefest of updates on his condition (mild fever, actually coughed a little while on the phone with her, nothing too serious though), and kindly but firmly ended the call, stating that we would talk to her later.
As it stands now, I truly beleive that I will be divorcing W on my terms. Could that change? I suppose so, but I gave her the power to make the decision, and that is the decision she made.
Technical Note: "5 the Hard Way" is a communication technique developed by George Thompson within the context of his "Verbal Judo" program. It consists of the following basic steps:
It is a truly last-resort option for gaining voluntary compliance. The most important part is that you have to be willing to follow through on your part if the recalcitrant subject will not voluntarily cooperate. Originally developed for cops on the beat, it has shown itself to be remarkably effective for me in a number of circumstances. I'm just trying not to wear it out.
Again, thank you all for your kind words and remarkably accurate assessments of my sitch. As far as my strategy for the foreseeable future, please let me know what you think of this:
-Going dark (midnight in a coal mine this time, no access to me whatsoever unless it is about S) -Taking an unannounced trip to some far off lacale next weekend (not really about her, I'm just getting to the point where I really need a break from all this) -Continuing to avoid all conflict with W and allowing her free reign on all delicate subjects (such as finances). -Developing a sound legal strategy and implementation program to insure my legal rights are as protected as they can be.
Poke any holes in it that you want, I probably won't be able to hold to it anyway.
P.S. I'm not sure if it matters at all, but, while I didn't exactly lose it, I was somewhat incensed with W by the thought of OM meeting my S. As soon as we had worked out that this would not be happening (supposedly, I know, but I feel that she has actually kept her word on this), however, I have offered no recriminations or impediments to her being with him. I don't know, but I think this may be rattling her somewhat, for reasons I can only guess at (so, of course I do: Sign of true concern for my son, sign of finally letting her go, sign of indifference to her plight, sign that she may have finally crossed a line that she may not be able to come back from). I guess only time will tell.
