Sheer physicality

[SolidMechanic]

Moje,

I think I get it, although I had to read it a few times. You really need some graphics to explain this one.

What is the difference between being sexually demanding and being sexually assertive? I think the answer is that many LDW are sexually demanding but not sexually assertive. I am frequently sexually assertive but not usually sexually demanding.My new animal is based on my new theory that the feminine "top" is sexually demanding. I tried to come up with another animal but I think that we pretty much have to call her the "b*tch"

Ok, so you are calling demanding behavior "masculine top" and assertive behavior "feminine top"? So doing what you want to do in the moment (assertive) is masculine and asking for what you want done to you in the moment is feminine? Hmmm...

The "b*tch" is very attractive to the masculine "bottom". I might be being redundant but I want to clearly make the point that the masculine "bottom" is not feminine. The masculine "bottom" is not the same as the feminine "bottom". My evidence is the answer to the question I asked at the top of the essay. The masculine bottom wants to do stuff for the feminine top. The feminine bottom wants the masculine top to do stuff to her.

You have created another 2x2 matrix. (The other being the bunny-monkey-cow-lion scheme). On one axis you have "masculine-feminine", which is the same as "doing-being done"; and on the other you have "top-bottom", which is the same as "what you want-what the other wants". That means in the "masculine bottom" quadrant you are doing what the other wants. In the "feminine bottom" quadrant, you are being done the way the other wants. Do I have that right?

IMO, it is totally natural for men to be turned on by feminine top behavior. Unfortunately, women are generally turned off my masculine bottom behavior although they frequently unconsciously promote it.

This is the big take-home lesson for me. When your wife tells you what you want, whether in bed or out, giving it to them slavishly just makes you a weenie in their eyes (attention Nice Guys). A lot of guys react by being willfully contradictory, but I don't think that is healthy either. What your wife or GF is asking for might be the best thing for all concerned. This is where I think teasing can be a great way of taking the "top" back from the woman. If she says "Lick my p*ssy", you could do what she says. Or you could respond by licking everything but the pu$$!, and then making her beg for it, which might be a lot more fun, while having the added benefit of taking back your power.

Now I'm beginning to see that there is the option of asking someone to give you something rather than just going out and getting it yourself. Pretty scary stuff for me. I felt like an alien had inhabited my body the other day when I "made" Lance go get me coffee in the morning because he had none in his house after an all night f*ckfest. My b*tch muscle is more pathetically underdeveloped than my triceps. I wonder if there is a Denise Austin DVD for that.

Asking for what you want can lead to discomfort for a bunch of reasons.

• A perception that it is pushy and demanding behavior, like you saw in your mother,
• a sense that you don't deserve the things that you want to ask for,
• the belief that asking something of a particular person is pointless because they are generally nonresponsive (like, maybe your wasband),
• or because to ask for someone else to do something for you is to give up control over the outcome.

From my side, what I need to work on is doing things just because I want to do them, without asking - actually have been doing quite well with this in the past year - and letting people do things for me when they offer.

SM