Lessons from a former WAS

[thegoodfight]

To answer the question about trust; yes we don't trust ourselves (WAS) and we also don't trust that efforts will be made to change things.

This is not justification; but as painful as it might be to hear this; chances are each one of us did something, or did nothing at all which contributed to the breakdown of this R. The difficulty I have witnessed first hand because of the hurt on the LBS is communicating that they understand and know it wasn't all the person who left or had an A's fault.

In the past when I have had some talks about the R. with my W. I told her I take responsibility for my part in the breakdown of the R. I know we can regain what we had, but I need your help in doing that. The reply was this is all your fault I did nothing wrong. You went outside the marriage not me! I said it is true that I handled issues the worst way possible, but I want to help resolve this no matter the direction.

My belief is until my W. gets past the act and is interested in resolveing the issues we will be stuck in a stalemate. I bring this up because I stress this; when I came back three months ago I was willing to work on it all; with the cold shoulder and the indecisiveness continously going on it is sometimes difficult to remain focused on the goal.

The point is act as if and get ready for the day that your WAS will come home and how will you handle it! I do not know the formula for perfect communication, but the last thing you need is when given a chance to work it out is another change of heart by one party or the other.

Choose to Forgive or don't forgive, but either way make a choice and work toward accomplishing that. Regardless of the outcome you will feel better once you have accepted what has happened and all the talking or pondering of the act won't change what happened.

Move forward not on, I am moving forward whether my W. jumps on board or not I have been in a stalmate for too long.