Newcomer in Pain

[NikB]

Hey Larry,

Thanks for emailing! Hopefully you'll hear from my dad soon, still having to coax him (he's pretty shy).

How much time? I don't really know. Enough for H to know he wanted to recommit, and me to know I wanted him. Not sure what that might've been. Then again, I see that people go through this after reconciling no matter how long it seems like - so maybe I'm wrong. I definitely think it's a mistake to chase something you're committed to unless the other person says they are for sure, though.

Detachment.. I'm slowly learning that you should ALWAYS be detached in a healthy R - even in a healthy M. Sure you're more considerate of each other as a couple when you are acting as a couple, but you should always be self-sufficient, too (again.. still learning that so don't think I have it mastered!). I feel like it's developing a state of mind where you're fine no matter what - the person in your life is a bonus, but you're good with or without them.

Piecing is basically "putting our marriage back together one piece at a time." I haven't been here long enough to know but my guess is it used to be "reconciling" and someone realized it was a helluva lot more complicated than that.

PW is a kinda "personal" abbreviation so don't feel bad! "OW" is the generic for "other woman." Many of us have variations on it.. i.e. SDFoundGirl has "LW" which is "LetterWoman," the woman her H was writing love letters to but never (as far as anyone knows) had a full out affair with. Mine is "PW" for "Problematic Woman." Reason being I'm fairly certain she's just a skanky woman who happens to work with H and is messing with his head, but I don't think she's a true OW in terms of him dating her. Might's well be, but Oldtimer suggested long ago I call her PW instead of OW and it kinda stuck.