Did the drive to my brothers and back today. about 240 miles RT. My girl was so good on the way back, never even had to stop once for a break or anything. We stopped at Wal Mart and I bought her a stuffed animal as a reward.
I did have alot of thinking time as we drove too....(except when I ran over the racoon.....yeeechh) Was really pondering this money/house situation. Will it help my situation to put some monetary pressure on her? no, probably not. On the other hand will it help my situation to allow myself to go into financial ruin? If indeed I do end up not with her, definately will not help my cause. If she does some day decide to come back? Still would not look too appealing to come back to a guy that is financially crushed.
I will ponder this for a few days, as my apointment is on Weds. Need to make some decisions on this, and well so does she....
I also got to thinking about why do I even want to try to hang in there and work this out? I mean yeah we did have our issues. But I did not come home and beat her, or come home snot slinging drunk. (Ok maybe twice (( the drunk part)) in the last year) But I am a pretty stand up guy. I always held a job, provided as best I could. Tried to be there for her and my kid. But it seemed to me as if she had been looking for a reason, (in retrospect) to bail for some time now. Maybe this is just not meant to be? The luck of the draw and I drew bad?
At the first hint of "I am not happy" so it must be "his" fault, she cuts and runs........... Why should I even care/hope?
Then a thought invades my mind. Maybe this is what is meant by hanging in there through hard times? I dont know. As of now I am not yet ready to give up........ things are about to get harder I know, but not yet. I need to work on the financial part, that security I do need, for myself soon. But I think I can be patient on the marriage part for some time yet. This may mean only another month or it may mean 2 years, cant say. Not going to put a time limit on it either way, but for today, now, even with all of this other crap going on, I still have a spark of hope. I am probably going insane........
