heimlich, gd, matt, dlt1 and nomo and everyone else,
thank you for your support and encouragement. i know we can all do this, i have started reading the success stories a few days ago and that is really helping with the pma. i suggest it highly.
journaling: w calls just prior to lunch and is upset because s doesn't have a binki for a nap, having that thing at 2 and half is another deal in itself, but i wont' control. i could hear her breaking down over this little thing. so i asked her to hold on and checked the car. i had one and i work 5 minutes away. so i stopped by at lunch, and she seemed really happy to see me. didn't stay long though. i think this was made up, i just bought some for him the other night and left them all at her place.
then i picked s up at 5 after work. when i showed he was still asleep. so we hung out for about an hour. rubbed her feet. outside of our talk to other night, there is no talk of divorce. she even asked about me coaching tball when that comes.
so w goes out of her way to tell me again that she has cancelled her dinner date, and this time she says it was inappropriate. huh? that is what i said earlier and now she is saying it. it caught me so off guard all i said was that is too bad. funny thing is i really don't think it is inappropriate with him, unless she going to pull an anna nichol. haha
then she asks about the ballpark. tell her it is really nice and she would enjoy it. she doesn't like nba games, too many people and makes her nervous. told her the ballpark is a lot more open and spacious. then she tells me that she is staying home tonight and not doing anything. not sure if this was the case, but after words it seemed to hit like a ton of bricks. she cancels the date, asks about the ballpark, and then says she is staying in tonight. i think she wanted an invite extended. honestly, i have screwed that up too much lately, and couldn't take any more no's, so i'm not trying.
the thing that is really hitting me right now is my feelings. i know that i want her to be here, but i'm also getting these feelings of detachment. as in, i know in my heart if she showed at the door right now wanting to come back, i would be all about it. but i feel, crap can't really explain it. just not as commited i guess and i think my indiffrence is starting to show through. not in a bad way, i actually think she is struggling with the fact that how can he be so calm about all of this. i don't know, just feels odd.
oh forgot to add, w has dumped her new friends. i guess we will see if it sticks. her friend is drunk last night, goes to some guys apartment near by and asks to borrow his truck for a quick trip. he lets her, idiot. well she goes home and goes to sleep. a few hours later, police and guys are at my w's door, looking for his truck. w was not happy about this. somehow i just don't buy that friend knocks on the door and gets keys, i'm sure there are parties and such and they all know each other. ah, that is an a thought, need to d that in the butt, i don't know crap.
so great things are happening to w, just a joke. but i feel like we are getting closer, more relaxed around each other.
