Here is a draft for my "Plan B" letter. Any help and comments would be appreciated. Thank you. --------------------
Wife,
This affair and it's aftermath have hurt me beyond my wildest imaginings and it's affecting my feelings towards you. I don't want to feel this way anymore and I need to protect myself from these feelings. To keep my feelings from getting any worse, I have decided to separate from you and initiate divorce proceedings.
I want us to stay married. I don't want to divorce from you. This is not how I wanted our life together to end up.
I have learned an awful lot about how I have contributed to our marriage troubles. I've worked very hard to right my wrongs and be a better husband and friend for you through counseling, books, taking better care of you, meeting your needs, etc. I owe up to my part in this and I assume full responsibility for my behavior in our marriage. I will still do what ever I can for you to preserve our marriage.
I want our girls to grow up with us both, together. I want them to grow up in their family with both of their parents. I want them to feel secure in their parents and their parents love. I want them to have the family that neither of us had growing up.
I want to work with you to create a new marriage and a new life, better than what we ever had before. I want us to be best friends, soul mates, lovers, parents, etc. To build a life where we both can be happy and fulfilled. A place we and our children can blossom.
As we have not been able to work through our differences and problems, I've decided to separate and initiate divorce proceedings. As our marriage is broken, so is our friendship. I do not want any contact with you in any way. No phone calls, text messages, email, personal contact, etc. Please respect this no contact.
I would like the joint checking account closed, all credit cards cut-up and credit holds placed on them. I will continue to pay off the balances. I would like to work out a visitation schedule for the girls where we both can see them equally. I suggest, 1 week on, 1 week off. We can adjust accordingly as their school and our schedules change.
I want us to keep our family and marriage together. I want us to put the past behind us and work together to rebuild our lives. I really don't want this separation and divorce. For us to rebuild our marriage though, these conditions will have to be met by you: -Cessation of all affairs. -Disclosure of all past affairs. -Disclosure of personal history. -Sincere and remorseful apologies to myself, children, friends and families. -Individual, Marriage and Family counseling. -No contact with XYZ. -Consideration to end relationships with friends, family, etc. who interfere with our marriage. -Complete openness and honesty. -Boundaries established between your family of origin and our family. -Commitment to financial and investment budgets. -A plan to rebuild our marriage, including Dr. Harley's concepts, Divorce Busting, etc. -Consideration to attend Sunday church services. -Testing for STD's. -Recommitment to wedding vows. I understand that these things may be hard for you, I know that they may be painful, but I will stand by you, support you, and help you through them.
Please respect my request for no contact at this time. I've asked Pastor ABC to be our intermediary concerning our children and our finances. All contact with me should be made through him.
I love you more than anything in this world and I want to stay married to you for the rest of our lives.
