Maybe I don't make H feel safe. I recall during our convo on Tuesday night, H asked me if I would be upset if I saw him out with someone else. I quickly replied no (knee jerk reaction, wanting him to think I'm strong). Later on during the same convo he brought up the fact that I wouldn't be upset if I saw him out with someone, because he said he would be hurt if he saw me out with out someone but he wouldn't do anything (to the guy). I then told him that I really couldn't honestly answer that until I saw it. Not a good answer on my part I think.
There were times when he was coming to the house I was ever so nice to him. I would offer him a snack or something to drink and he always declined, so I stopped asking. Then I read on someone's post how the WAS needs to feel needed. So I asked H if he wouldn't mind looking at my weedeater because I was having problems. Well he did and wouldn't start. H said he would need to take it in to a repair shop soon. Well, he never did so I stopped asking for his help unless I desperately needed it.
Sometimes I got the feeling he was seeing me as pursuing him when he would come over because I could see him get a little anxious when he would be in my house longer than 30 minutes. H would be out the door as though his a@@ was on fire. By no means was I pursuing him in anyway. It was like he wanted to come over but once he was there he got uncomfortable.
H is quick to tell me to call him for anything and he will help me out; however, when I call him on it he can't or is unable to.
RCR, can you give me some ideas on how to make H feel safe. It seems to me what I've been doing is not working.
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
