Newcomer in Pain

[GainingStrength]

Bless all of you for the quick feedback! I'm still in shock and so haven't yet cried too much, but reading your replies brought tears to my eyes. I don't feel so alone now.

Answers to your Qs:
- The 'friendship' is an EA which started in about May. That, I believe was the catalyst for our split. It's about to become a PA judging from the receipt for the black satin negligee she left out on her vanity.
- Re being honest with myself, I have been honest, and I plead guilty. We got in the cycle of me being 'shut down' and not emotionally expressive, her becoming resentful and pushing me away, me retreating more..., until she sought attention elsewhere and became a WAW. Our children, of course, are innocent bystanders who can't understand why their world is coming apart.
-Re what I've been doing to DB, I read the DR and other books and articles, notably Micheles article: "While Your Spouse Decides" in which David says: "I decided, early in my separation, that my wife was my best friend....ever." I resolved to NEVER allow the separation to hinder my friendship with her." (David is my hero and role model.) That's how I've been treating my W. I haven't yet shown any anger or recrimination and my energies have gone toward helping her get to where she insists on going anyway, getting the divorce filed; i.e. working on the paperwork, helping her with checking accounts, planning the splitting of assets, etc, Also, I've concentrated on spending time with my kids, especially my devastated 14-year-old son. The W admits that I've always been a great father, even more so since the split.
- Also, I've started working on myself. I'm finally getting over turning 60 three years age and am not so depressed about it. I'm showing more energy in all contacts with others. Also, I realized I've had a low-grade clinical depression and am now on anti-depressants. Next week, I have my first seesion with a "separated men's" support group.
- Re trying to slow things down, When my W sets a goal, she goes at it like a pit bull. She wants her new life and she wants it now! For that, her old life with me needs to go away ASAP, and she's working hard on making that happen. Fortunately, in California, there is a six-month waiting period between when divorce is filed and when it is final. I'm going to need all my strength to continue DBing through that time...
- At this point, it's the affair that is driving the divorce (though not the underlying cause). Michele and others have said that an affair is an addiction which distorts all thought processes and requires gratification above all other considerations. I would dearly like to hear others' experience re this.

Those are long-winded answers to short questions. Let me say again how grateful I am to have good people like you to talk to. Thank you!