CVA - "Back in Shape"

[Not Much Left]

Got it, thanks. You know what is almost the hardest out of all of this, here is a little story from the pastor who married us and my wifes' sister's FIL (follow that?).

He has brought us together 3 times before. When this all happened he basically had the wisdom of these boards and expressed them to me and I didnt understand or believe it.

So after some heated discussions w/ him about S / time apart being a good thing, all communication w/ him stopped. I later called him to apologize for my obstinance and to tell him I needed help. The hard part is this, his interpretation of my physical health was that a lot of people are in pain and dont act like you did toward your wife. You would be here regardless becasue of your demeanor and you need to fix it.

Semi-true. I had / have work to do on me. I actually felt like I was making progress toward me and our R 2+ yrs ago after the last time and got de-railed by this pain. Yes I let it pull me under and get completely self absorbed. Think about how you would be if just looking down to clean a dish in the sink or trying to play w/ your kids for 5 minutes was so overwhelmingly painful that you just have to go sit / lay down. That was the magnitude of the pain.

He ends that particular call w/ "CVA, you need to find someone you trust, and PAY them A LOT, You have the money and it isnt about the money. Whether its me or someone else, you need to do this", HUH? I thought you were my quasi FIL and wanted to spiritually adopt me and part of our family. He did this after the 3rd time as well, called me and hit me up for money, essentially. It left such a fould taste in my mouth I have not called since. He really is a wise man and my W does seem to listen to him & his wife. SHOULD I REINITIATE CONTACT?

OK Rambling now. Part of this is from the Doc experience. He basically says to me, CVA, I know what you have been through, most people in your shoes would have been on Hydrocodone / Vicadin and you toughed it out. Not a party by any means but you should not beat yourself up over this.

OK So here is where I was really going with all this. I feel better now than I have in the last 12 yrs (married for 13). Had my original accident 1 yr into M. Literally as I am feeling better my W says get out! How ironic or twisted is that?

Time to get back to being who I can be.

Thanks for reading if you got through all that.

CVA