It just shows posting to the last person...your on your post and doing just fin...
Your venting is good...you are expressing what it is that you need...eventually you NEED to talk to H about this...HE NEEDS to know what it is that you NEED to be happy and fulfilled in a R with him...but that is a long step away...
See if you can find something you both like on TV...and then ask him to join you in something you like...maybe once a month to start...there are lots of new shows on and my H and I find things to watch...his thing is baseball so I do join him on occasion watching a game...I see the happiness it gives him when he talks about what is happening and I ask questions about things...this is bonding...and we all need that...
See if you H will take a walk with you, play cards, or just anything that you might enjoy...
Sandi...you are doing great...it will take time to clear the toxin from OM out of your system...it will take time for you to feel like more then a sister to your H...don't try and rush it...just make sure you set goals (small ones) and keep moving forward...
11 years is a long time...but I know a couple (they were seperated but you basically were too) that after 15 years are reuniting...and another couple (older then you) that also reunited after over 12 years...you start new...you make it exciting...you express your needs just like H is now the OM!!!...because in reality he now is the "OM"...a R just doesn't happen...it is built..a little at a time...
It is good that you recognize that it wasn't love that you had for OM...and that he definitely didn't love you either...but the technique used to get you "wanting" him is much the same as what you and your H will NEED to do at some point...
Don't feel disgusted with yourself...you are working through these things...as a LBS I don't see you that way...I am very proud that you are making this effort (and before an A)...it makes me happy to know that you care enough about your family to work on things...and to cut off the OM totally...I understand how this takes time...and I know it isn't easy for you...but you are doing it...
I think you need to plan weekly discussions with H...they can be R based, interest based, recap of your/his week...but just make the time to connect with each other verbally each week...and then make it a goal to do something together each month...one for you and one for him...in time it will get easier...then you can add to what you have...set another goal...achieve another step forward...
Sandi...I AM PROUD OF YOU....keep talking here...and it will get easier to express those feelings that you have built up in that wall...brick by brick you can chisel it down!
Now a quick note...my dad was walking his little chihuahua yesterday when they were attacked by pit bulls (2)...fortunately my dad only got bit on his hands....but his little dog got away and kept running...we looked all day until dark to find him...worried sick that he was hurt...knowing he hadn't eaten...but we also knew he was a smart dog...had walked many times with my dad this path so he knew where he lived...he came home about 4 am!!!...he was okay and just wanted in his kennel and to sleep...the pit bulls and their owners took off and the animal control said they would be looking for them for the next 10 days...hopefully they will be found before they really hurt someone...
